Because I Could Not Stop for Death...

Someone told me the other day that I needed to get more sleep. I responded with my usual line, "Eh. I'll sleep when I'm dead."

I thought this was a very common expression heard by most. Apparently, he had not heard this before and was greatly disturbed. To me, it was simply a common figure of speech. To him, it was an intensely disturbing thought. Apparently, he also found it disturbing that I am so comfortable making jests and references to Death. I suppose that is true. I do make references to Death quite a bit. And I am completely at ease with talking about it, joking about it, and referencing it.

It is difficult for me to comprehend most people's fear of Death. I am sure that part of that has to do with the fact that there have been many instances during my life where Death was my closest companion. A large part of that, however, is because I simply accept Death. He will come for me when He is good and ready. When it is my time, whether that be tomorrow or 70 years from now, there will be nothing I can say or do to stop Him. The only thing I can say I do fear about Death is if I have not done all I can for the world, fulfilled my purpose, lived up to my potential, by the time I Die. People always ask me why I would do most of the things I have done, like skydiving and bungee jumping. It seems to them that I am daring Death. And I can understand that reasoning. However, Death does not need me to dare Him in order for Him to come for me.

I suppose I can understand why some people may be disturbed at my level of comfort with Death. I have been told that I have a tendency to "court Death." And that also may very well be true. I must say, however, that I certainly do not seek Death. At certain times in my life, I certainly have done so. However, as He has not come to meet me yet, I am left to accept that He is not yet ready for me. When He does come for me, I will meet Him with a smile on my face and a glint in my eye.

I suppose that I am so comfortable with it because Death is the only reliable, predictable event. Any and everything else is left to a million different variables. But not Death. He WILL come, eventually. And there is some comfort in knowing that you can rely on Death to keep his word in a world full of unpredictability.

My biggest reason is because Death signifies the end of all things negative and bad and painful. There will be no more tears, no more pain, no more uncertainty, no more second guessing, no more fear, no more sorrow, no more flashbacks. Without proof, I am certain of what lies beyond. I suppose that that is the real reason behind most people's fear of Death. They do not know or are uncertain what lies beyond this realm. And I feel sorry for them. To live each day uncertain of what comes next, to me that is worse than Death. What I do know is that when Death comes for me, I won't have anymore scars. I won't have anymore memories. I won't have anymore fears. I won't have to shed anymore tears. I won't have to ask "Why?" anymore. I won't have to see anyone else I love and care about hurting and not be able to do anything about it. I won't have to go to sleep every night with the same shadows watching over me.

We are, all of us, counting down to Death from the day we are born. Some go sooner than others, names etched into memory, unable to be erased. Thorne, Jex, Warford, Balcon, Ward, Derby, and others. Good men. Better men than I.

I like adventure. I used to like hopping on the train and just getting off wherever it stopped. To me, that is what Death is like. Peter Pan said, "Dying will be an awfully big adventure." Do not mistake me, none of this is to say that I purposely, actively seek Death. I do not. But I know that one day, He will come for me. Until then, I have things to do and accomplish whilst I am yet alive. And until I do what I have been placed here to do, I think that Death will continue to be my constant companion, giving me the courage and motivation to do what I am here to do. Like my favorite female author said, "Because I could not stop for Death, Death stopped for me. The carriage held but just ourselves, and Eternity."