I’ve come here for the last time,
To this edge, this place of nothing.
Been here before and swore ne’er again.
Only to see myself fall once more.
Look up at the sky and see
Paper clouds and Crayon sunlight
Watercolor rays and origami birds
The pseudo-sun and Technicolor blues.
Déjà vu and ahead of advent
I’ve been here before.
I lay here to rest, broken and spent,
Only to come again once more.
The Krylon colors and candy-coated dreams
Come at a price each time higher than the last.
Strength-weakness, broken-fixed,
Mind-body-heart-soul.
I gave what I had,
All the dreams and nightmares
The truth, the lies, the joy, the sorrow,
The strength and pain, I gave it all.
Each time I come I say, “No more!”
I break away and fall and rise.
Praised and decried in song and lore,
Through the ages living the truth and lies.
Always changing and e’er the same,
It exacts its toll
Leaving you stronger than before
And weaker than yesterday.
So here I am again,
Back once more for my redemption
Here again for my penance
This is the last time, for I will see you here again.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Poem: With All Mine Heart
'Tis not e'ery day one finds that which gives
Unto thine heart the reason to beat,
That divine creature that breathes unto me life, e'en that lives
Aside mine broken soul, taking me to those fields yonder where lovers meet.
Gently hold this heart so fragile of mine,
For into thine hands I place myself 'till the end of time.
Broken and shattered I give me to thee,
To mend with thine eyes, thy Love, to set me free
From this prison in which I dwell,
From these terrible waves crashing down with e'ery swell.
Thee and thee alone do hold this key,
The entrance to this castle to whence mine heart doth flee.
Softly tread I implore;
For once you unlock and open mine heart's door,
Mine devotion real and true
Belongs to none other than you.
When I Love, I Love.
When I sing, my voice drifts through the clouds above.
When I fall, Nature herself cannot match mine impact.
Thus I beg thine intentions known whether fiction or fact.
If they be true, my heart and Love are yours,
Ne'er to be matched by the riches in Heaven's stores.
My all I give to thee to do as you please,
Whether thou nurture them or cast them upon Spring's breeze.
Yet, if they be false, close mine hand o'er mine gift,
And progress not mine already gaping rift.
If false thou dost prove,
Mine heavy heart rooted as Gibraltar none again shall e'er move.
My life, my heart, my Love, my soul
I trust in thine keep to mend and make whole.
In thine hands I place mine heart, whole and pure
Perchance this chronic disease thou canst cure.
A man I am , flawed and mistaken,
Yet this I know, only thee canst this dormant body awaken
To the pleasures of new life and Love,
To the coming dawn, to the cleansing rain from above.
Ne'er before have I, broken and torn,
E'er dreamed of abandoning the desolation to which I am sworn.
Before ne'er have I, lost and alone,
Been graced with the Love thou hast shown.
This solitude, this pain fore'er and a day hath been my friend,
'Till thee, certain 'twas that these so shall be mine end.
This void, this anger, hath 'till now been my solace, my surcease.
'Fore thee they have been mine comfort, mine dreaming peace.
Days and nights alike of mine have been distorted and distraught,
Prove thy Love true, let not mine trust be for naught.
Fragile, I lay mine heart open in thine hands
Burning with Hope and Love like a thousand firebrands.
Burning, aching, beating with all the essence of mine soul,
Mine heart, 'tis yours to teach like a newborn foal.
Blacker than the darkest night,
Beseech thee I do to purify it with all thy might.
Against mine own reason and thought
I lay bare before thee mine self to fulfill with all I have sought.
Though incomplete I am, the remainder of me is yours
To fill with thine self with force greater than the surf pounding the ocean's shores.
For this heart of mine I do hold the dream
That one day shall it be whole, though against mine Destiny may it seem.
No sunrise of mine days compare
To the Love and Comfort I may dream thou holdest out to share.
Though isolation be mine shelter and pain my friend,
Thine eyes holdest for me the chance for mine eternal Darkness to finally end.
Hope mine foe, dreams my bane, for thee and thee alone
Do I embrace mine forever fears, do I this foreign cloak don.
Thine eyes, windows to a Heaven which can surely be mine own,
Thine eyes, swirling constellations of Life have thee me shown.
Thus, all I am, all I have become here, now do I forsake
With all mine heart to foster that Love we together canst make.
Unto thine heart the reason to beat,
That divine creature that breathes unto me life, e'en that lives
Aside mine broken soul, taking me to those fields yonder where lovers meet.
Gently hold this heart so fragile of mine,
For into thine hands I place myself 'till the end of time.
Broken and shattered I give me to thee,
To mend with thine eyes, thy Love, to set me free
From this prison in which I dwell,
From these terrible waves crashing down with e'ery swell.
Thee and thee alone do hold this key,
The entrance to this castle to whence mine heart doth flee.
Softly tread I implore;
For once you unlock and open mine heart's door,
Mine devotion real and true
Belongs to none other than you.
When I Love, I Love.
When I sing, my voice drifts through the clouds above.
When I fall, Nature herself cannot match mine impact.
Thus I beg thine intentions known whether fiction or fact.
If they be true, my heart and Love are yours,
Ne'er to be matched by the riches in Heaven's stores.
My all I give to thee to do as you please,
Whether thou nurture them or cast them upon Spring's breeze.
Yet, if they be false, close mine hand o'er mine gift,
And progress not mine already gaping rift.
If false thou dost prove,
Mine heavy heart rooted as Gibraltar none again shall e'er move.
My life, my heart, my Love, my soul
I trust in thine keep to mend and make whole.
In thine hands I place mine heart, whole and pure
Perchance this chronic disease thou canst cure.
A man I am , flawed and mistaken,
Yet this I know, only thee canst this dormant body awaken
To the pleasures of new life and Love,
To the coming dawn, to the cleansing rain from above.
Ne'er before have I, broken and torn,
E'er dreamed of abandoning the desolation to which I am sworn.
Before ne'er have I, lost and alone,
Been graced with the Love thou hast shown.
This solitude, this pain fore'er and a day hath been my friend,
'Till thee, certain 'twas that these so shall be mine end.
This void, this anger, hath 'till now been my solace, my surcease.
'Fore thee they have been mine comfort, mine dreaming peace.
Days and nights alike of mine have been distorted and distraught,
Prove thy Love true, let not mine trust be for naught.
Fragile, I lay mine heart open in thine hands
Burning with Hope and Love like a thousand firebrands.
Burning, aching, beating with all the essence of mine soul,
Mine heart, 'tis yours to teach like a newborn foal.
Blacker than the darkest night,
Beseech thee I do to purify it with all thy might.
Against mine own reason and thought
I lay bare before thee mine self to fulfill with all I have sought.
Though incomplete I am, the remainder of me is yours
To fill with thine self with force greater than the surf pounding the ocean's shores.
For this heart of mine I do hold the dream
That one day shall it be whole, though against mine Destiny may it seem.
No sunrise of mine days compare
To the Love and Comfort I may dream thou holdest out to share.
Though isolation be mine shelter and pain my friend,
Thine eyes holdest for me the chance for mine eternal Darkness to finally end.
Hope mine foe, dreams my bane, for thee and thee alone
Do I embrace mine forever fears, do I this foreign cloak don.
Thine eyes, windows to a Heaven which can surely be mine own,
Thine eyes, swirling constellations of Life have thee me shown.
Thus, all I am, all I have become here, now do I forsake
With all mine heart to foster that Love we together canst make.
Prose: What Should Happen
What should happen
If I might die
Today? Will I
Attain respect?
If I today
May die, before
Life dies, allot
Me wings to fly.
If Death and I
Must dance the dirge,
Encourage my
Soul. Periods
Come, periods
Go. Death begone!
If I might die
Today? Will I
Attain respect?
If I today
May die, before
Life dies, allot
Me wings to fly.
If Death and I
Must dance the dirge,
Encourage my
Soul. Periods
Come, periods
Go. Death begone!
Poem: What Hath Been Lost
E'ery night as I lay mine head upon
The pillow in hopes of eluding the advent of dawn,
Crystal tears escape mine eyes
And the darkness stifles my silent cries.
The sun's evanescent rays hold no hope
Nor does the morn's birdsong bring surcease to cope
With the pain exacted upon mine heavy heart,
The pain which infects deeper and yet deeper still, like a poisoned dart.
Day after perverse day am I forced to gaze upon mine own
Withering reflection, that which once was full and proud, now brittle and wind-blown.
That sickness, pervading virulent through mine veins,
The only sign of mine flood of tears the drying salt stains.
Neither smile nor sun alights upon this wretched face,
Light and air flees from this Stygian, desolate place.
Seek may I for that Balm of Gilead, yet Nature's only ease
The storm clouds overhead and that sinister whispering amongst the trees.
For such a prize as I did once obtain
With such beauty that to look was to be risen after being slain.
No pot of gold nor riches beyond measure,
But the love and adoration of such a creature as to ensure lifelong pleasure.
Such was she that e'en the roses cast their petals down
To form her path ere her heel touched the ground.
The angels above sang her praises whilst the faeries below
Basked in the glow of her radiance, from which the sun's own light seemed to flow.
The winds whispered her very name amongst the trees,
Whilst the ocean creatures echoed her song throughout the seas.
Heaven and Earth alike extolled her very presence
As the stars in the sky mimicked her divine essence.
The light through her eyes swirled with the constellations above,
Angel's eyes she possessed; one look had mine heart stricken with love.
Her voice like the sound of new life emerging in spring,
Her kiss the nectar of the gods, her touch a lift on eagles' wings.
A goddess of unsurpassed splendor, touch so gentle and soft,
Truly the envy of the gods, mine heart she carried aloft.
To unimaginable heights didst we soar, amongst the vastness of heaven we flew,
Using the stars as stepping stones, her hair sparkling with the morn's dew.
She and she alone didst command mine heart, my life, and my love.
She, the angel, the goddess, the gentility of a dove.
She, the envy of mortals and gods alike,
She, the only able to deliver mine heart such a strike.
I once was in the presence of an angel-goddess-divine,
Once was alive, once could call Love's bliss mine.
An angel no longer I see outside my window in the early morn,
No longer vibrant, eager, mine heart stands withered and torn.
The pillow in hopes of eluding the advent of dawn,
Crystal tears escape mine eyes
And the darkness stifles my silent cries.
The sun's evanescent rays hold no hope
Nor does the morn's birdsong bring surcease to cope
With the pain exacted upon mine heavy heart,
The pain which infects deeper and yet deeper still, like a poisoned dart.
Day after perverse day am I forced to gaze upon mine own
Withering reflection, that which once was full and proud, now brittle and wind-blown.
That sickness, pervading virulent through mine veins,
The only sign of mine flood of tears the drying salt stains.
Neither smile nor sun alights upon this wretched face,
Light and air flees from this Stygian, desolate place.
Seek may I for that Balm of Gilead, yet Nature's only ease
The storm clouds overhead and that sinister whispering amongst the trees.
For such a prize as I did once obtain
With such beauty that to look was to be risen after being slain.
No pot of gold nor riches beyond measure,
But the love and adoration of such a creature as to ensure lifelong pleasure.
Such was she that e'en the roses cast their petals down
To form her path ere her heel touched the ground.
The angels above sang her praises whilst the faeries below
Basked in the glow of her radiance, from which the sun's own light seemed to flow.
The winds whispered her very name amongst the trees,
Whilst the ocean creatures echoed her song throughout the seas.
Heaven and Earth alike extolled her very presence
As the stars in the sky mimicked her divine essence.
The light through her eyes swirled with the constellations above,
Angel's eyes she possessed; one look had mine heart stricken with love.
Her voice like the sound of new life emerging in spring,
Her kiss the nectar of the gods, her touch a lift on eagles' wings.
A goddess of unsurpassed splendor, touch so gentle and soft,
Truly the envy of the gods, mine heart she carried aloft.
To unimaginable heights didst we soar, amongst the vastness of heaven we flew,
Using the stars as stepping stones, her hair sparkling with the morn's dew.
She and she alone didst command mine heart, my life, and my love.
She, the angel, the goddess, the gentility of a dove.
She, the envy of mortals and gods alike,
She, the only able to deliver mine heart such a strike.
I once was in the presence of an angel-goddess-divine,
Once was alive, once could call Love's bliss mine.
An angel no longer I see outside my window in the early morn,
No longer vibrant, eager, mine heart stands withered and torn.
Poem: Tomorrow
I wonder-what tomorrow shall bring?
Perhaps a tune, some song for me to sing.
Could it bring a flute, some instrument for me to play?
Or, perchance, the wings of an eagle for me to fly away.
Perhaps I shall walk here, or go there,
I could e'en find a crystal stair.
Tomorrow shall I eat and drink?
Shall I neglect hunger and thirst that I may dream and think?
Might it bring eyes that I may see
Through the facades decieving me?
Too much think I of tomorrow.
For each tomorrow is naught but pain and sorrow.
Tomorrow I shall not sing, I shall not dance.
But with each step shall I cast back a furtive glance
For fear of demons past and present that haunt my dreams.
I shall remind myself that e'er is nothing as it seems.
Shadows and dust only are tomorrow's lot,
Smiles are run away, for they are naught.
I shant laugh, no-Tomorrow I cry.
Conclude your final Jest, for Tomorrow...I die.
Perhaps a tune, some song for me to sing.
Could it bring a flute, some instrument for me to play?
Or, perchance, the wings of an eagle for me to fly away.
Perhaps I shall walk here, or go there,
I could e'en find a crystal stair.
Tomorrow shall I eat and drink?
Shall I neglect hunger and thirst that I may dream and think?
Might it bring eyes that I may see
Through the facades decieving me?
Too much think I of tomorrow.
For each tomorrow is naught but pain and sorrow.
Tomorrow I shall not sing, I shall not dance.
But with each step shall I cast back a furtive glance
For fear of demons past and present that haunt my dreams.
I shall remind myself that e'er is nothing as it seems.
Shadows and dust only are tomorrow's lot,
Smiles are run away, for they are naught.
I shant laugh, no-Tomorrow I cry.
Conclude your final Jest, for Tomorrow...I die.
Prose: Forget
So many, so much, so little, close to nothing.
Everything and nothing is what it all means.
It’s the world and a curse.
Like a drug, like heroine.
I want it, I crave it, I need it.
I get it, it’s good. I don’t have it, it’s horrible.
I know what it does, the effect you have on me.
I’ve told you before, you’re my heroine,
My drug, my addiction.
But like all addictions, there are only two outcomes.
You give in and it finally kills you,
Or, you do what hurts the most,
Lay it down, give it up, and walk away.
I can no longer give in and I’m not sure
I have the strength to walk away.
But I have to try.
You want both worlds but you can only have one.
You’ve made your choice and I won’t
Try to change it, it’s no longer my concern.
I laid it bare as you asked, you chose.
Now it is time for me to make mine,
To choose. Not what I want, but what is best.
I have to lay it down. I have to walk away.
It is simply time for me to.
It is time that I must now forget you.
Everything and nothing is what it all means.
It’s the world and a curse.
Like a drug, like heroine.
I want it, I crave it, I need it.
I get it, it’s good. I don’t have it, it’s horrible.
I know what it does, the effect you have on me.
I’ve told you before, you’re my heroine,
My drug, my addiction.
But like all addictions, there are only two outcomes.
You give in and it finally kills you,
Or, you do what hurts the most,
Lay it down, give it up, and walk away.
I can no longer give in and I’m not sure
I have the strength to walk away.
But I have to try.
You want both worlds but you can only have one.
You’ve made your choice and I won’t
Try to change it, it’s no longer my concern.
I laid it bare as you asked, you chose.
Now it is time for me to make mine,
To choose. Not what I want, but what is best.
I have to lay it down. I have to walk away.
It is simply time for me to.
It is time that I must now forget you.
Poem: The Failure
How do you live a life knowing
That every step of every day
Is nothing but a lie, ever-growing,
Every breath, every action, and every word you say?
To wake in the morning with the conviction
This will be the day you turn it all around,
Only to realize there is no divine interdiction,
The lie is still a lie despite how good you make it sound?
How does one look in the eyes of his father and see
The hope, the dreams, the plan, and the belief?
When all along he knows the plan destined to be
Is not one of greatness or success, but one of unimaginable grief?
How do you look in the mirror-mirror on the wall
Every morning and see yourself staring back,
Seeing not the medals and trophies but every single fall,
Every stumble, every loss, every time lost from the track?
To see in your mind the faces of those who care,
Those who look to you to achieve.
Yet fail them you do, in everything, everywhere.
You destroy their hopes in all they believe.
In all things, great and small
Time after time you fail them all.
Trust you they can't, not then nor now.
Charm your way through you do, with a courteous bow.
Yet, alone with none at your side,
You see the fraud, the fake, the charlatan you cannot hide
From the mirror-mirror on the wall,
For he is there to remind you of every failure and fall.
He is the one staring back,
Whispering everything you lack.
The face is yours, the hands and arms alike,
At which out of shame and despair you lash and strike.
But the scars you leave are not enough.
The pain you inflict not as rough
As the burden in your heart forcing you to see
That none but a failure and fraud will you ever be.
That every step of every day
Is nothing but a lie, ever-growing,
Every breath, every action, and every word you say?
To wake in the morning with the conviction
This will be the day you turn it all around,
Only to realize there is no divine interdiction,
The lie is still a lie despite how good you make it sound?
How does one look in the eyes of his father and see
The hope, the dreams, the plan, and the belief?
When all along he knows the plan destined to be
Is not one of greatness or success, but one of unimaginable grief?
How do you look in the mirror-mirror on the wall
Every morning and see yourself staring back,
Seeing not the medals and trophies but every single fall,
Every stumble, every loss, every time lost from the track?
To see in your mind the faces of those who care,
Those who look to you to achieve.
Yet fail them you do, in everything, everywhere.
You destroy their hopes in all they believe.
In all things, great and small
Time after time you fail them all.
Trust you they can't, not then nor now.
Charm your way through you do, with a courteous bow.
Yet, alone with none at your side,
You see the fraud, the fake, the charlatan you cannot hide
From the mirror-mirror on the wall,
For he is there to remind you of every failure and fall.
He is the one staring back,
Whispering everything you lack.
The face is yours, the hands and arms alike,
At which out of shame and despair you lash and strike.
But the scars you leave are not enough.
The pain you inflict not as rough
As the burden in your heart forcing you to see
That none but a failure and fraud will you ever be.
Poem: So Long The Night
So long the night that foretells my impending doom,
So long the shadows that hide the light and spread the gloom.
So black the sky of my barren wasteland,
So cold my heart to the touch of hand.
So blind the eyes searching for truth,
So lost the innocence forfeited in youth.
So ghostly the spirit living within,
So hopeful for the sunrise to one day begin.
So rainy the season of discontented love,
So terrific the clouds gathering above.
So brief the moment of joyous embrace,
So forlorn the soul and countenance of face.
So red the blood flowing in my veins,
So scorching the flames to step near no one e'er deigns.
So slowly the drums beat of the rhythm of my heart,
So soon shall the beating cease, ne'er again to start.
So vile the clay beneath the feet,
So treacherous the lips that do touch and meet.
So deep the shadow like a creeping sick breath,
So long the night, night of my forever death.
So long the shadows that hide the light and spread the gloom.
So black the sky of my barren wasteland,
So cold my heart to the touch of hand.
So blind the eyes searching for truth,
So lost the innocence forfeited in youth.
So ghostly the spirit living within,
So hopeful for the sunrise to one day begin.
So rainy the season of discontented love,
So terrific the clouds gathering above.
So brief the moment of joyous embrace,
So forlorn the soul and countenance of face.
So red the blood flowing in my veins,
So scorching the flames to step near no one e'er deigns.
So slowly the drums beat of the rhythm of my heart,
So soon shall the beating cease, ne'er again to start.
So vile the clay beneath the feet,
So treacherous the lips that do touch and meet.
So deep the shadow like a creeping sick breath,
So long the night, night of my forever death.
Poem: Sentry of Thine Heart
Yes, I am here, standing by your side,
The one that wiped the tears e'ery time you cried.
I am your strength, your shoulder to lean on,
Holding you in my arms 'til the morning dawn.
I am the one who feels your pain.
I guide you on your way through mist and rain.
But e'er there always am I,
I am not the vision in thine eye.
No, not I-how foolish of me to think
From Love's cup with me thou woulds't e'er drink.
For powerful and enchanting I certainly am not,
Fame and fortune ne'er have I sought.
I am not the king, the prince, or e'en the knight.
Thus Fate hath destined me out of thy sight.
Yet and still by your side I stay,
Hoping (if Hope be true) that thou would see me one day.
Perhaps in the corner of thine eye or a passing glance,
All I deign to ask is one-oh! but one chance.
I hear thy silent weeping which others cannot hear.
I stand gaurd like a shadow, scarce seen but e'er near.
Here I stand a faceless man, longing for you to see,
Praying (if God be real) that you woulds't come away with me.
Yes, still, here I am by your side,
Waiting, your ship to carry you out with the morning tide.
The one that wiped the tears e'ery time you cried.
I am your strength, your shoulder to lean on,
Holding you in my arms 'til the morning dawn.
I am the one who feels your pain.
I guide you on your way through mist and rain.
But e'er there always am I,
I am not the vision in thine eye.
No, not I-how foolish of me to think
From Love's cup with me thou woulds't e'er drink.
For powerful and enchanting I certainly am not,
Fame and fortune ne'er have I sought.
I am not the king, the prince, or e'en the knight.
Thus Fate hath destined me out of thy sight.
Yet and still by your side I stay,
Hoping (if Hope be true) that thou would see me one day.
Perhaps in the corner of thine eye or a passing glance,
All I deign to ask is one-oh! but one chance.
I hear thy silent weeping which others cannot hear.
I stand gaurd like a shadow, scarce seen but e'er near.
Here I stand a faceless man, longing for you to see,
Praying (if God be real) that you woulds't come away with me.
Yes, still, here I am by your side,
Waiting, your ship to carry you out with the morning tide.
Prose: I am
I am…
The mist above the river at dawn.
I am…
The tolling of the bells when the clock strikes twelve.
I am…
The wind whispering through the darkened treetops.
I am…
The pale silver moonlight on the open sea.
I am…
The torrential flood destroying all in its course.
I am…
The raging wildfire heeding not the destruction in its wake.
I am…
The tornado feeding on its own violence.
I am…
The hurricane, no determined course, going where’er the wind blows.
I am…
The silent tears you deign not shed.
I am…
The hate, the pain, the anger inside.
I am…
The emotion not shared.
I am…
The words left unspoken.
I am…
The blade slicing through my veins.
I am…
The blood flowing from my body.
I am…
The scars etched into my skin.
I am…
The pain released through these wounds I bear.
I am…
All that I was, and all that I am, and all that I will e’er be.
I am…
I am…
I am…
I am what I am…
The mist above the river at dawn.
I am…
The tolling of the bells when the clock strikes twelve.
I am…
The wind whispering through the darkened treetops.
I am…
The pale silver moonlight on the open sea.
I am…
The torrential flood destroying all in its course.
I am…
The raging wildfire heeding not the destruction in its wake.
I am…
The tornado feeding on its own violence.
I am…
The hurricane, no determined course, going where’er the wind blows.
I am…
The silent tears you deign not shed.
I am…
The hate, the pain, the anger inside.
I am…
The emotion not shared.
I am…
The words left unspoken.
I am…
The blade slicing through my veins.
I am…
The blood flowing from my body.
I am…
The scars etched into my skin.
I am…
The pain released through these wounds I bear.
I am…
All that I was, and all that I am, and all that I will e’er be.
I am…
I am…
I am…
I am what I am…
Poem: Lost In A Moment
Here we stand on the precipice of Time
Watching as yet again the sun sets on another day,
Standing in awe as the colors swirl and merge with neither reason nor rhyme.
Deafening silence overwhelms and left we are with naught to say.
Here on this crag stand we stranded, silent, lost,
Gazing out over the ocean of Time- uncomprehending in its course.
Here we brave the seasons: the burning sun and the killing frost.
East to west that orb burns its path, yet none know its true source.
From whence it came, where it rests, none shall e'er know.
Thus seek we do to satiate our desire-
Though search we may high and low,
We may ne'er know that truth our hearts require.
Time-fleeting, evasive, here and gone,
That moment, a single instant etched in stone.
The lives we live, day, night, dusk, and dawn,
Until that moment, that instant, we are gone-alone.
Question we may the who, what, where, again and again.
Ask of our hearts whate'er we will-
One thing shall we ne'er know, the when.
Though search we may 'till no more we are, cold-still.
Mind we do not the how or the when.
Only that which is the here-the now;
'Till wiser become the hearts of men-
'Till time for each to give his final bow.
Here's to You, Jean.We miss you...
Watching as yet again the sun sets on another day,
Standing in awe as the colors swirl and merge with neither reason nor rhyme.
Deafening silence overwhelms and left we are with naught to say.
Here on this crag stand we stranded, silent, lost,
Gazing out over the ocean of Time- uncomprehending in its course.
Here we brave the seasons: the burning sun and the killing frost.
East to west that orb burns its path, yet none know its true source.
From whence it came, where it rests, none shall e'er know.
Thus seek we do to satiate our desire-
Though search we may high and low,
We may ne'er know that truth our hearts require.
Time-fleeting, evasive, here and gone,
That moment, a single instant etched in stone.
The lives we live, day, night, dusk, and dawn,
Until that moment, that instant, we are gone-alone.
Question we may the who, what, where, again and again.
Ask of our hearts whate'er we will-
One thing shall we ne'er know, the when.
Though search we may 'till no more we are, cold-still.
Mind we do not the how or the when.
Only that which is the here-the now;
'Till wiser become the hearts of men-
'Till time for each to give his final bow.
Here's to You, Jean.We miss you...
Poem: Lifeless
She lies in a crumpled form on the cold bare ground,
While deafening silence drowns out all other sound.
Life drains slowly away from the small helpless thing
As the world mourns for it will no longer hear her sing.
The pool of blood glistens in the moonlight
While above the stars whisper their secret on this cold wintry night.
The wind covers her body in a formless invisible shroud
And the trees cover their ears, for the silence is growing too loud.
The demons craved for her body and preyed upon her life,
Until her lifeline was sliced by that subtle knife.
While deafening silence drowns out all other sound.
Life drains slowly away from the small helpless thing
As the world mourns for it will no longer hear her sing.
The pool of blood glistens in the moonlight
While above the stars whisper their secret on this cold wintry night.
The wind covers her body in a formless invisible shroud
And the trees cover their ears, for the silence is growing too loud.
The demons craved for her body and preyed upon her life,
Until her lifeline was sliced by that subtle knife.
Prose: Let It Rain
Fall within me.
Fall around me.
Fall above and below
And with every breath I have.
Gather the clouds overhead,
Shake the earth with lightning and thunder.
Cast shadows across the sun,
Let the wind be heard o’er all.
Rain upon me, flood these lands,
Carry me away with the tide.
Rip the trees from their roots,
Crash upon the stone walls and barriers.
Break down these walls,
Run course through the fields and furrows.
Disintegrate the roads,
Leave no stone standing, no land untouched.
Fall from the heavens with might and force.
Drown these wretched of the earth.
Cleanse the sick and diseased,
Douse the fires of ignorance and immorality.
Tear down our monuments to our own vanity,
Our stairways and ladders to the sky.
Flatten everything to whence it was before.
Topple us from our self appointed divinity.
Wash away the virus of humanity,
The degenerate and downtrodden of our own hearts.
Halt the advance of our evil ways,
Brought upon ourselves by our arrogance.
Cover this infested dirt with the waters of humiliation
By the floods of retribution and redemption.
Drown finally my anguish and sorrow and pain.
Open the gates, let it fall, let it cleanse, let it rain.
Fall around me.
Fall above and below
And with every breath I have.
Gather the clouds overhead,
Shake the earth with lightning and thunder.
Cast shadows across the sun,
Let the wind be heard o’er all.
Rain upon me, flood these lands,
Carry me away with the tide.
Rip the trees from their roots,
Crash upon the stone walls and barriers.
Break down these walls,
Run course through the fields and furrows.
Disintegrate the roads,
Leave no stone standing, no land untouched.
Fall from the heavens with might and force.
Drown these wretched of the earth.
Cleanse the sick and diseased,
Douse the fires of ignorance and immorality.
Tear down our monuments to our own vanity,
Our stairways and ladders to the sky.
Flatten everything to whence it was before.
Topple us from our self appointed divinity.
Wash away the virus of humanity,
The degenerate and downtrodden of our own hearts.
Halt the advance of our evil ways,
Brought upon ourselves by our arrogance.
Cover this infested dirt with the waters of humiliation
By the floods of retribution and redemption.
Drown finally my anguish and sorrow and pain.
Open the gates, let it fall, let it cleanse, let it rain.
Poem: The Last Shadow
A shadow glides across the floor-
Stepping silently through Eternity's door,
Hanging upon the midnight air.
The shadow watches as I stare
Into his face of impending doom,
Until I banish his soul to his very own gloom.
Shrieks and cries abound in his flight,
As he departs this very night.
No more shadow upon my stair
As a ray of hope pierces the air.
Stepping silently through Eternity's door,
Hanging upon the midnight air.
The shadow watches as I stare
Into his face of impending doom,
Until I banish his soul to his very own gloom.
Shrieks and cries abound in his flight,
As he departs this very night.
No more shadow upon my stair
As a ray of hope pierces the air.
Prose: Perfection
I can see perfection, you know?
I see it, though it can be hard to find.
It’s in the small things: an amazing guitar solo,
One phrase from one song that changes your life,
The flawless moves, flowing and exact, of your favorite dancer.
It’s in a baby’s laugh, or its sleeping breath.
In the opening riff of your favorite song.
It’s in the moment you lay your head down and smile,
You got the cool side of the pillow.
Like the smell of a lover’s perfume,
It lingers there long after she may be gone.
Perfection’s in a family dinner; everyone is gathered ‘round,
All the aromas floating together.
And you walk in the room and take that first sniff.
That’s where it is-where you’ll find it.
There it is, in that seemingly insignificant piece of art.
The one you love so much for whatever reason.
Perfection is in that one moment at a concert
Where the band is on the stage at whatever part
In that one song, and that’s when you feel it,
The band is speaking directly to you, the words are flowing
Through your veins, the music is taking you outside yourself.
Tears are forming in your eyes though you are
Hesitant to let them fall lest someone see.
You don’t know what’s happening, just that it is.
And you look around and see more glistening eyes
And bodies swaying to the music. Right then,
Right there you can say, “This is perfect.”
And then that moment is gone, the band is playing
Another song, you all act like it didn’t happen,
You want to keep it for yourself, but you all
Know just by that wordless look, that unspoken nod,
That moment did happen, and it was perfect.
It is there in your first car, old and rusted.
But that doesn’t matter, its perfect because it is yours.
It’s there in Love, though you absolutely hate the word.
For that short time you have with her, every single
Minute of every day, every dance or glance or smile,
It’s all perfect.
I see it, though it can be hard to find.
It’s in the small things: an amazing guitar solo,
One phrase from one song that changes your life,
The flawless moves, flowing and exact, of your favorite dancer.
It’s in a baby’s laugh, or its sleeping breath.
In the opening riff of your favorite song.
It’s in the moment you lay your head down and smile,
You got the cool side of the pillow.
Like the smell of a lover’s perfume,
It lingers there long after she may be gone.
Perfection’s in a family dinner; everyone is gathered ‘round,
All the aromas floating together.
And you walk in the room and take that first sniff.
That’s where it is-where you’ll find it.
There it is, in that seemingly insignificant piece of art.
The one you love so much for whatever reason.
Perfection is in that one moment at a concert
Where the band is on the stage at whatever part
In that one song, and that’s when you feel it,
The band is speaking directly to you, the words are flowing
Through your veins, the music is taking you outside yourself.
Tears are forming in your eyes though you are
Hesitant to let them fall lest someone see.
You don’t know what’s happening, just that it is.
And you look around and see more glistening eyes
And bodies swaying to the music. Right then,
Right there you can say, “This is perfect.”
And then that moment is gone, the band is playing
Another song, you all act like it didn’t happen,
You want to keep it for yourself, but you all
Know just by that wordless look, that unspoken nod,
That moment did happen, and it was perfect.
It is there in your first car, old and rusted.
But that doesn’t matter, its perfect because it is yours.
It’s there in Love, though you absolutely hate the word.
For that short time you have with her, every single
Minute of every day, every dance or glance or smile,
It’s all perfect.
Poem: I and My Maid
There she sat, more beautiful than day,
That maiden blest, over whom my soul rejoices;
She, e'er fairer than flow'rs born in May,
There she sat, singing a song heard o'er all angelic voices.
Pondered closely did I her form before mine eyes:
Her hair a halo, a waterfall of gold,
Her voice, on the wings of the air I heard it rise.
All the while my heart pounding in mine heart to speak, were i so bold.
I bade my feet to follow my sight,
To take me to my Love, ere she flew away.
Thus, with gentle bound at her feet did I alight,
Her sensual gaze captivating me, holding me in sway.
"Dearest maid," began I,
"Confess my Love I must to thee,
"No river deep, nor valley low, nor mountain high
"Hath yet kept neither thine beauty nor song from me.
"Ask of me, my Love, and I shall give.
"Demand of me, my Love, my heart, e'en mine very soul.
"For only by your side canst I live,
"Only by thine Love canst I e'er be whole."
And whispered she in mine ear,
"Arise! My Love! And take mine hand!
"For here have i remained, waiting for thee, my dear.
"Grant me thine heart and thine Love, this be my demand!"
And arise did we, I and my maid,
Rejoicing in the Love of Love, one in heart,
In our eternal bliss, like a mountain glade,
E'er to stay, to ne'er depart
That maiden blest, over whom my soul rejoices;
She, e'er fairer than flow'rs born in May,
There she sat, singing a song heard o'er all angelic voices.
Pondered closely did I her form before mine eyes:
Her hair a halo, a waterfall of gold,
Her voice, on the wings of the air I heard it rise.
All the while my heart pounding in mine heart to speak, were i so bold.
I bade my feet to follow my sight,
To take me to my Love, ere she flew away.
Thus, with gentle bound at her feet did I alight,
Her sensual gaze captivating me, holding me in sway.
"Dearest maid," began I,
"Confess my Love I must to thee,
"No river deep, nor valley low, nor mountain high
"Hath yet kept neither thine beauty nor song from me.
"Ask of me, my Love, and I shall give.
"Demand of me, my Love, my heart, e'en mine very soul.
"For only by your side canst I live,
"Only by thine Love canst I e'er be whole."
And whispered she in mine ear,
"Arise! My Love! And take mine hand!
"For here have i remained, waiting for thee, my dear.
"Grant me thine heart and thine Love, this be my demand!"
And arise did we, I and my maid,
Rejoicing in the Love of Love, one in heart,
In our eternal bliss, like a mountain glade,
E'er to stay, to ne'er depart
Prose: How Did We Get Here?
Do you ever wonder what happened to us?
What happened to those days before?
Full of innocence and dreams?
Things were simpler and we knew all the answers.
I remember the day we kissed,
In full view just to make someone jealous.
I used to wait for you outside class.
Watching you ride away at day’s end.
We talked on the phone,
Making plans and wild designs,
Figuring out the future,
Sure it would follow our desires.
Thinking now, I see how wrong we were,
Oh! How we had no idea what the future
Held in store for the innocent dreamers.
Plans failed, dreams died, and here we are.
Years, miles, and hearts away from where we were,
We stand here, looking back on everything that was
And everything that is, and everything we wanted,
It’s all different, maybe we went wrong, and maybe we just went.
Not sure if it went right or wrong,
I just keep going, left right left.
We make life what it is, not the opposite,
But I have to wonder, how did we get here?
What happened to those days before?
Full of innocence and dreams?
Things were simpler and we knew all the answers.
I remember the day we kissed,
In full view just to make someone jealous.
I used to wait for you outside class.
Watching you ride away at day’s end.
We talked on the phone,
Making plans and wild designs,
Figuring out the future,
Sure it would follow our desires.
Thinking now, I see how wrong we were,
Oh! How we had no idea what the future
Held in store for the innocent dreamers.
Plans failed, dreams died, and here we are.
Years, miles, and hearts away from where we were,
We stand here, looking back on everything that was
And everything that is, and everything we wanted,
It’s all different, maybe we went wrong, and maybe we just went.
Not sure if it went right or wrong,
I just keep going, left right left.
We make life what it is, not the opposite,
But I have to wonder, how did we get here?
Poem: Gathering
Around in circle, bathed in firelight,
Hand in hand are we gathered here this starry night.
Lost and broken and beaten and torn,
We clothe ourselves in this power fire-born.
By flickering faces and dancing flames
We complete the circle with Elements’ names.
Fire, water, earth, air,
Commune we here under Goddess’ tender care.
Hand in hand are we gathered here this starry night.
Lost and broken and beaten and torn,
We clothe ourselves in this power fire-born.
By flickering faces and dancing flames
We complete the circle with Elements’ names.
Fire, water, earth, air,
Commune we here under Goddess’ tender care.
Prose: Forever Fire
She is my death and my Resurrection,
The furnace burning both within and without,
Blasting away all inhibitions, reason, and thought,
Forcing me to be, to believe, to see-with my heart.
Like the hair that graces her head,
She is my firestorm,
Scorching everything in its path
Until there is naught left of me but dust and ash.
She is my Apocalyptic fire,
Burning through my flesh and bone to the core of my soul.
The pain and the Love-both burn inside me hotter than the sun.
She is my sweet sorrow, my sweet temptation, my sweet surrender.
She is that eternal flame like a flash fire,
Sucking away all my air till I can no longer
Breathe, no longer think, till I am on my knees before her,
Naked and bare, with naught to hide.
She is my Temptress, my Seductress-
Demolishing walls I've built in self-defense,
Making way from my heart to hers.
She is my sin and my pleasure,
My atonement and my resurrection.
She is my sorrow, my joy.
She is my Death and my Life.
She burns me when she loves me,
And her Love I have not the might nor the desire nor the ability to deny.
Her Love consumes me like the rush of a whirlwind
With all the power of a raging fire.
Thus-
I kneel before her, my Fire Goddess,
Unable to breathe without the Love, Burning Love, Her Love
Inside me.
She is why I live, why I love, why I Burn.
She
Is
My
Forever Fire.
The furnace burning both within and without,
Blasting away all inhibitions, reason, and thought,
Forcing me to be, to believe, to see-with my heart.
Like the hair that graces her head,
She is my firestorm,
Scorching everything in its path
Until there is naught left of me but dust and ash.
She is my Apocalyptic fire,
Burning through my flesh and bone to the core of my soul.
The pain and the Love-both burn inside me hotter than the sun.
She is my sweet sorrow, my sweet temptation, my sweet surrender.
She is that eternal flame like a flash fire,
Sucking away all my air till I can no longer
Breathe, no longer think, till I am on my knees before her,
Naked and bare, with naught to hide.
She is my Temptress, my Seductress-
Demolishing walls I've built in self-defense,
Making way from my heart to hers.
She is my sin and my pleasure,
My atonement and my resurrection.
She is my sorrow, my joy.
She is my Death and my Life.
She burns me when she loves me,
And her Love I have not the might nor the desire nor the ability to deny.
Her Love consumes me like the rush of a whirlwind
With all the power of a raging fire.
Thus-
I kneel before her, my Fire Goddess,
Unable to breathe without the Love, Burning Love, Her Love
Inside me.
She is why I live, why I love, why I Burn.
She
Is
My
Forever Fire.
Poem: End of the Cycle
Looking through the glass and rotten dust,
I see waves of fear and broken trust.
Stars in the night fall from the sky,
The sky plummets down from up high.
Digging through the trash and fallen dust,
Hearts of man destroyed by untamed lust.
Bones-
Broken by granite stones.
The earth quakes,
The heavens shake.
The soul of one feels the eyes of another.
Son against father, daughter against mother.
Crawling over the dirt and frozen ground,
Lightning strikes with a deafening sound.
Over the tempest of the raging seas,
The devil chases and the soul flees.
The night like the day and the day like night,
Darkness surrounding, pain enfolding, draining thy might.
Look through the fear.
Shed the tear.
Past the up and the down.
Watch it all plummet into the ground.
I see waves of fear and broken trust.
Stars in the night fall from the sky,
The sky plummets down from up high.
Digging through the trash and fallen dust,
Hearts of man destroyed by untamed lust.
Bones-
Broken by granite stones.
The earth quakes,
The heavens shake.
The soul of one feels the eyes of another.
Son against father, daughter against mother.
Crawling over the dirt and frozen ground,
Lightning strikes with a deafening sound.
Over the tempest of the raging seas,
The devil chases and the soul flees.
The night like the day and the day like night,
Darkness surrounding, pain enfolding, draining thy might.
Look through the fear.
Shed the tear.
Past the up and the down.
Watch it all plummet into the ground.
Poem: Badge of Courage
Staring into the mirror-The reflection taunting back
At me. I see the scars left by the vision of the courage I lack.
They smile and sneer, constant reminders of my failure, my fault,
These scars, each one nearly bringing life to an abrupt halt.
Defined I am by these scars-these roads, these words of a story told
By one afraid to reach for the stars, to face the world tall and bold.
Afraid of the light, afraid of life and all its breath.
Thus afraid I embrace the dark and its sister, Death.
Thus weak I stand ashamed before the mirror-The reflection that taunts,
The image revealing, the scars ne'er healing, the likeness that haunts
Fore'er my sleeping dreams, fore'er my days awake.
Ashamed am I of the fear I bear, the fear the scourge of my heart.
Hence these scars stand as a badge, a badge of lies.
I could not face the world apart, I could not suppress the pain in mine heart.
So these scars I make for my wounded pride's sake,
But each morn as the sun rises and I wake,
I see in my eyes, in my mind, in the mirror-mirror reflecting back,
A shadow, a ghost, a wraith of one possessing all that I lack.
I see in my reflection all that I hate and all I abhor,
The mirror-mirror throwing back at me each battle of my personal war.
My war inside fought against only me,
The battles raging like fire for all eternity.
Too afraid I was to face the world and life and fate,
Hence I retreat and become all that I hate.
These scars-scars of my past, scars of my future, scars of my fight,
They run like veins across the skin, always there no matter how dark the night.
In unison they raise their voices in triumph and praise,
For the weakness I have borne all of my days.
Engraved in my flesh for the world to see,
Though faded or no, from these I cannot flee.
Fore'er and a day these scars remain.
To remind me the strength I could not maintain.
A day and fore'er I bear them with me,
To one day look into the mirror-mirror and see that I am free.
At me. I see the scars left by the vision of the courage I lack.
They smile and sneer, constant reminders of my failure, my fault,
These scars, each one nearly bringing life to an abrupt halt.
Defined I am by these scars-these roads, these words of a story told
By one afraid to reach for the stars, to face the world tall and bold.
Afraid of the light, afraid of life and all its breath.
Thus afraid I embrace the dark and its sister, Death.
Thus weak I stand ashamed before the mirror-The reflection that taunts,
The image revealing, the scars ne'er healing, the likeness that haunts
Fore'er my sleeping dreams, fore'er my days awake.
Ashamed am I of the fear I bear, the fear the scourge of my heart.
Hence these scars stand as a badge, a badge of lies.
I could not face the world apart, I could not suppress the pain in mine heart.
So these scars I make for my wounded pride's sake,
But each morn as the sun rises and I wake,
I see in my eyes, in my mind, in the mirror-mirror reflecting back,
A shadow, a ghost, a wraith of one possessing all that I lack.
I see in my reflection all that I hate and all I abhor,
The mirror-mirror throwing back at me each battle of my personal war.
My war inside fought against only me,
The battles raging like fire for all eternity.
Too afraid I was to face the world and life and fate,
Hence I retreat and become all that I hate.
These scars-scars of my past, scars of my future, scars of my fight,
They run like veins across the skin, always there no matter how dark the night.
In unison they raise their voices in triumph and praise,
For the weakness I have borne all of my days.
Engraved in my flesh for the world to see,
Though faded or no, from these I cannot flee.
Fore'er and a day these scars remain.
To remind me the strength I could not maintain.
A day and fore'er I bear them with me,
To one day look into the mirror-mirror and see that I am free.
Poem: broken
broken hearts,broken dreams,
all lost, forgotten, or broken, that's how it seems
.broken tears running down my eyes.
when will anyone hear my sorrowful cries?
have pity on the broken hearted.
for we know where the wheel stops, but not where it started.
broken tears, brand new fears.
all will be broken for the remainder of years.
broken homes, broken hearts,
it's so terrifying for we know not where brokeness starts.
tears run evermore, hearts broken again and again.
when
will
this
brokeness
ever
end?
all lost, forgotten, or broken, that's how it seems
.broken tears running down my eyes.
when will anyone hear my sorrowful cries?
have pity on the broken hearted.
for we know where the wheel stops, but not where it started.
broken tears, brand new fears.
all will be broken for the remainder of years.
broken homes, broken hearts,
it's so terrifying for we know not where brokeness starts.
tears run evermore, hearts broken again and again.
when
will
this
brokeness
ever
end?
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