Hypocrisy and Empty Suits

So...the black community hashtags everyone to hell about fairness and equal treatment, yet purposely elects black "leaders" into office with the specific hope that these "leaders" will cater explicitly to the black community...In what universe does that make any sense?
You elected a president because he was black, yet the black community is worse off legally and economically than it has been in decades. Our Democratic black led cities like Detroit, Chicago, Baltimore, and parts of New York have some of the worst conditions for the black community. Yet you still keep voting these same people into office and wondering why your situation isn't changing. You put your sovereignty, your independence, and your financial stability in the hands of so-called leaders just because you share the same skin tone and you expect them to change your life.
Guess what? They don't give a damn about you. Their primary goal is to continue to fool you into re-electing them so they can stay in office and amass power and influence while you sit there waiting for "hope and change." THEY will not fix US. Why? Because as long as we have these problems, they know we'll keep electing them.
Yall still don't get that The People have the true power. If we fix ourselves, then we have no need for THEM. They are afraid that you will figure that out, that you will hold them accountable to the oaths they swore when they took office, that you will call for a reckoning of their failures.
But you won't figure it out. You won't hold them accountable. You won't take the responsibility of fixing your families, your neighborhoods, your community. You'll just keep electing empty suits and waiting for someone else to fix your problems, all the while blaming the rest of America for your troubles.

Set The Course

Nothing can destroy you. Nothing. There's not damn thing on this earth that has the power to destroy you. The only thing that makes it possible is YOU. Yes, you. Your parents can't. Your significant other can't. Your environment can't. No disease can. No injury, no disability can. You are the author of your life. Nothing can tell your story but you. You possess the ultimate authority and control over what tears you down and what builds you up.

We see and hear references to it every day. "This is destroying my life." "This is tearing me up." "This is ruining my life." Blame is a very ambiguous and dangerous weapon. It is like a double bladed sword that wounds you deeper than it does your foe. First, when you place blame, you are effectively giving that person/object/situation power and control over you, and admitting as much. Second, and just as important, you are removing all responsibility from yourself. You are removing the authority and power of your own perception, your own thought process, and your own response from the equation. You are telling Life, and everyone else, "I am powerless against you." Guess what? YOU ARE NOT POWERLESS.

Whether by Fate, luck, Destiny, God, or whatever you believe in, you are endowed-from birth- with the power and authority to decide your own course. You are given free choice and willpower. USE IT. You have the inherent power to choose how to react or respond to any given situation.

I have seen it time and again, testaments to the strength of human willpower and choice. I have seen men lose limbs and fight and struggle and persevere to relearn to walk or hold a cup. I have seen men with 75% burns over their body fight to regain their lives. I have seen cancer patients, sometimes children, fight to make the best of their lives. I have seen those, mired so far down in the depths of darkness and despair you could not imagine, rise from the ashes of their own nuclear situations and regain control of their lives, going on to inspire thousands. Nothing is impossible. There is not a single thing any of us can experience that hasn't been experienced and overcome before. In no way does that minimize the impact of whatever any of us may endure. It simply challenges the idea that we "can't," it stands against the blame games, the excuses, and the notion that we can be destroyed by our circumstances.

Humanity is the single most stubborn entity on the planet, for better and for worse. The indomitability of the human psyche, the human spirit, has always been our most redeeming feature. When you say that something is "destroying" you or "ruining your life" or any derivative of that nature, you essentially disable your strongest weapon against adversity. You defeat yourself before you've even given yourself the chance to fight. You don't step in the ring and automatically knock yourself out. You don't take a test and automatically fail yourself. So why do you do that in life?

People do things, situations happen. That's life. SHIT HAPPENS. A lot of it, we cannot control. The one thing we always have absolute control over, however, is how we perceive it and how we respond to it. Every single bit of that happens in our minds. Your mind is your greatest ally and your biggest weakness. Like any part of your body, your mind must be exercised, strengthened, and nurtured. I didn't say babied, or pandered to, or coddled. That makes your mind weak. In order to handle the numerous stressors of life, you must have a strong mind, and only you can make it that way. Just like no one can lift weights and make you strong, or run and improve your endurance, no one else can strengthen your mind. I am not talking about clinical disorders, chemical imbalances, or anything of that nature, because truthfully, the majority of the shit we go through has nothing to do with that. Even then, however, you still have a choice. I have seen kids and adults with Down Syndrome or Autism, Bi-polar disorder, PTSD, etc., make conscious choices not to let their situations control their lives. No matter what comes your way, YOU have the power to direct your course.

Sometimes, when you fight, you lose the bout. That doesn't mean you are destroyed or ruined. It just means you got beat. We all lose bouts multiple times through the course of our lives. But when you get beat, you get back up, get back to training, learn where you need to improve, condition yourself, and get back in the ring. You are not destroyed until you refuse to get up after being knocked down, until you refuse to even get back in the ring. Then, you are destroyed, but only because you chose to be so. Letting your fear, insecurity, and doubt prevent you from advancing, that is a conscious choice, and that is the only way you can ever be destroyed or ruined.

In 1875, William Earnest Henley wrote:
"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."

Whether it be PTSD, cancer, another terminal illness, depression, drugs, alcoholism, or any of the million plus things that are thrown your way, you have the absolute power to decide how to face it. Throughout the course of your life, you will be bloodied. You will be bludgeoned by chance. You will experience darkness, despair, and fear. However, as Henley said, YOU are the master of your fate. YOU are the captain of your soul. Strengthen your mind and set the course of your life, and all other things, despite how menacing they may be, will have no other option but to follow.

Nothing Left to Say

"I'm always looking for something to say. And then I realized...there was nothing left to say. In that moment, in that silence, there wasn't a thing I could've said to change anything. So I let the silence continue, and the moment passed. That silence was simultaneously the most beautiful and terrible thing I've ever known. It was beautiful because right then I knew that I'd made the 'right' decision, and terrible because I also knew I'd never feel that alive or passionate again. I still try to find something to say, and I always end up embracing Silence. She's both my savior and my tormentor. In any other universe, there would have been something to say that would have changed things. My curse was being born into the only one in which words had no effect, and I was left to watch as she floated away, carefree, like a vapor on the wind."

Just like those horses

"She was the best kind of girl, and the worst. She was the kind that would look you in the eye and smile, and you knew she meant it, and for the next few minutes while you had her attention, you felt like the only living being on the planet, aside from her. Then, a few minutes later, her attention would shift, and she'd smile at someone else, and she'd mean that one too, and it would inspire great bouts of jealousy within you. She was as free and careless as a wild horse roaming the foothills back home. You'd catch a glimpse every now and then, and when she noticed you, she'd saunter over to study you for a few seconds, let you run your hand down her neck, and entertain the thought that you might be able to tame her, only for her to take off, wild and free, with no particular place to go. You'd spend hours, days, searching for her, for just a glimpse, and occasionally you'd sight her, but you could never get close enough. She made you want to run free with her, anything, as long as you were next to her. She made you want to tame her so she'd always stay with you, so you could always be with her. But you would drive yourself mad, because you couldn't do either one. In the end, I knew I had to let go. I knew she wasn't the kind of girl that could be tamed, I knew she didn't need to be tamed, that her wild spirit is exactly what made me fall in love with her to begin with. She'd come around every now and then, and she'd stay for a while, just like those horses. And just like those horses, one day she'd just be gone, taken off to roam where she may. I realized, that last day, that just like the wild horses I grew up wishing I could be, her happiness was inextricably tied to her freedom, her will to come and go as she pleased. I realized that day, so long ago, that just like those horses, she was too beautiful to keep. That was the last time I saw her, running free in the wind, her hair trailing after her. I came back home, to the rolling hills of my youth, carrying with me every memory, every touch, every kiss. My time in the Army was over, so I hung up my uniform, put on my jeans and boots, grabbed my Stetson, and set out across the hills, with no particular place to go. I still think about her from time to time, whenever the smell of jasmine and honeysuckle fills the air, whenever the sunset strikes just so that the sky explodes in her favorite shade of orange, whenever I hear a note or two of her favorite song, carried like a whisper on the wind. And I see her in my mind, barefoot and beautiful, wild and free, flashing one last smile with a twinkle in her eye, right before she turns and runs toward her next great adventure, just like those horses."

At This Point...

I don’t need to be single. I want to be with you.

I’ll always tell you about my outings with my friends, but I’d much rather you be a part of them. Sure, there’ll be times when we each want to go our separate ways. I have no problem with that. But my purpose for being with you is to share my life, myself, and my experiences with you, to bring you into my world. Besides, in being with you, my highest level of contentment comes not in having a “good time” and making memories, but in sharing those good times with you and making those memories together.

When you imagine the home of our dreams, I want you to do so with the utter certainty that my goal is to make that dream come true, for both of us. There’s no point in dreaming if you can’t put any faith behind that dream. You won’t need to worry about us moving in together, because it won’t happen, not until the right time. I’m not saying marriage, but pretty close to it. Call me old-fashioned, but it’s easy to live with someone. It’s easy to have all the comforts and benefits that come with a marriage without any of the actual commitment, dedication, loyalty, communication, and effort necessary in any long term committed relationship. I’m not going to treat you like a cheap easy thrill by asking you to move in. But when we start talking about making a home together, you’d better be sure my proposal is not far off. It has nothing to do with “making you an honest woman.” It’s got everything to do with making sure I am an honest man.

If we are doing things with each other we normally wouldn’t do with someone else, then it is too late for me to “be single-with you.” At that point, I have already given you access to my inner workings, and I don’t do that unless I’m fully committed to you. We can be friends, we can be lovers, or we can be partners in crime, in life-and everything that follows. I don’t do blurred lines and fuzzy boundaries. That’s how confusion and heartache are made. My willingness to try new things is predicated on the foundation of building a life with you, not for a random quick thrill.

I want to be able to decide to travel for a few weeks on a whim. But I want to be able to do that with you. Again, I’m all about building a life with you and making and sharing those memories with you. Flying solo is counterproductive to my entire purpose for being with you/around you. If you or I can’t go or don’t want to go, that won’t be a problem. But I want you to know the option is always there, that there’ll never be a time I don’t want to include you.

We won’t always have the same interests, run in the same circles, or hang with the same people. That’s not a problem. Sometimes we’ll want to do separate things. That’s normal. But again, I want you to know that the invitation is always open. If you’re willing to share an experience with me, there’ll never be a time when I won’t welcome your presence. We don’t have to stop each other from doing different things, and we certainly don’t need to do every single thing together. Some autonomy is always good. But like I said, if I am sharing my time, life, and experiences with you, you need to know that you are welcome in every part of it, that the invitation is an open one.

You’ll need to realize that I don’t make plans just for fun. If I make a plan, you can be sure that I am immediately going to start making it a reality. That’s what plans are for. If I am making plans with you, you need to know that I am fully committed to seeing them come to fruition. At this point, you’ll probably be my best friend, and hopefully I’m yours. I think that’s how it should be. But if we’ve made it this far, we are way beyond being friends and hanging out. I’m not with you to pass the time or to just have fun. By now you can be sure it’s because I see a future with you and I want us to build that future together. There’ll be no reason for me to want to flirt with another woman, because you’ll be all I want or need. At this point, no other woman will have anything for me that would make me want to flirt with her. I don't need to flirt with another woman. I don't need other women to flirt with me. I don't need to know if I've "still got it." If I’ve got you, if you’re the one I fall asleep and wake up next to every morning, if you’re the one I make love to, if you’re the one I’m devoting my time, my life, and my soul to, then I do still have it, and I’ve got no reason to flirt, unless it’s with you.

 Yes, I’ll still flirt with you. I’ll still write on notebook paper, “Do you like me? Circle Yes or No.” I’ll still make goo-goo eyes at you from across the room. I’ll still come up behind you and give your hair a soft yank or pick you up and spin you around. I’ll still pinch your butt as you walk by, even though you swat my hand away, with a twinkle in your eye. I'll still pull into an empty parking lot, turn up the radio, and dance with you when our favorite song comes on. I’m still gonna get nervous when I haven’t seen you for a few days and I pick you up for dinner. I’m always gonna be the nerdy closet romantic that I’ve always been. I’m gonna leave goofy little notes outside your front door in sidewalk chalk. I’m still gonna wash my truck extra clean for date night. I’m still gonna reach across the bench seat in my old Ford pickup and pull you closer so you can put your head on my shoulder while we drive down some old back road. Occasionally, I’ll even still randomly walk up to you and act like we’ve never met, just so I can ask you out all over again. All the flirtations, all the silly little things, that’s all for you, not some other woman, despite how attractive she might be.

Random people don’t get those things from me, only you do, because by this point, I am fully and completely yours. When I tell people that I am with you, I am telling them that I am with you and you alone, that I choose you and no one else, that I am completely and fully committed to you and no one else, that I have chosen to open my life, my world, and my heart to you and to give it over to you and no one else. It’s just a lot easier to say, “I’m with her.” I mean, if you want me to say all that, I certainly will. I’ll want to embarrass you and shout it from the rooftops, because I want the world to know that I’ve found a treasure. I don’t do any of that with just friends, not even with lovers. And I certainly don’t mix the two into friends with benefits. I don’t believe in “benefitting” myself from something I don’t have to commit to. If you do, that’s perfectly fine, I’ll just need to know that up front so I can make sure I don’t go down that road with you. Nothing bad or offensive, just two different paths.

None of what I say is to trap you. Just as the invitation into my life is always open, so is the door out of it. That may sound harsh or cold, but it is the simple reality. We are both grown adults. We both make and are responsible for our own choices. I cannot, nor will I ever try, to force or keep you in anything you don’t want to be in. The day whatever we have built no longer works for you, let me know and I will make a quick and graceful exit. Don’t get me wrong, I fully believe in working things out before calling it quits. But the moment we both know it’s over, you have my word, I’ll not force the issue. Sometimes, things just don’t work. I’ll always wish you the best, I simply ask that you be honest with me. I give you my honesty and I expect it in return. If someone else, something else, or somewhere else is pulling you away from me, I’ll always try to hold on, but if it has to happen, I’ll let go. I don’t want to be the one that holds you back from your happiness. I’ll always want us to find that happiness together, but I’m not naïve enough to think it’s a fairy tale. Please spare me the, “I don’t/didn’t want to hurt you.” I think it’s safe to say that this far in the game, a season ending injury like that is going to hurt, period. But hey, I’m a grown-up. I bounce back, not as quickly as I used to, but I always manage to find my feet again. Just give it to me straight. It’s not my first time around the block, and I’ve been broken down to my core before. You’ll do more harm trying to spare me or lying to me than by just giving it to me straight. For as long as you are willing, I am completely and utterly yours. As long as you are willing, you have open access to me, to my thoughts, my desires, my dreams, and my heart. As long as you are willing, you are a part of it all.

If I have put in the time and the effort to know you like that, to become comfortable and confident with each other, to learn each other, I am far beyond the point of wanting to be single-but with you. We have gone far beyond having individual lives. Of course, we will have individual aspects to our life together, but at this point, our life is joined. At this point, I want you to share my life and I want to share yours, as much as you’ll let me. At this point, I have no need for an individual/bachelor/single life, because you have become an integral part of my life.

At this point, you can expect a ring sometime in the near future. It’s got nothing to do with tying you down or trapping you or remaining enslaved to an outdated oppressive patriarchal societal tradition, or whatever they call it now. It’s got everything to do with the fact that I want you to have your day, that day with all your friends and family gathered to watch you shine like the queen I think you are. I want you walk down the aisle and see me at the end and know with certainty that I will always be at the end of every aisle, waiting for you. I want to stand there, watching you walk towards me, and know that I am the most fortunate man on the face of the earth. I want to proclaim before all our friends and family that I am forever yours. I want to give myself to you in that way. It’s not even that I want to call you my wife. I want to proudly tell everyone I am your husband. No, I don’t need a ceremony or a piece of paper to tell you that I am committed to you. However, call me old-fashioned again, but that’s the kind of guy I am. If we’ve made it this far, then you already know that and you’ve known it was coming.

90 years old and married, or 90 years old and still together, doesn’t matter much. Either way, the point is that at no time would I ever have felt the need or desire to be any measure of “single.” I don’t do paradoxes, oxymorons, juxtapositions, catch 22s, or contradictions. I like to keep things simple and call a spade a spade. In a world so full of moral, social, and emotional ambiguity, I think it’s important to have that simplicity and that directness. I don’t do halfway sweetheart. So when I say I’m in it, I am all in. If you can’t handle it, then just tell me and we’ll form a personal but appropriately distanced friendship. But it you’re in it with me, you better hold on girl, cuz I promise you this is gonna be one hell of an 8 second ride. You just gotta hold on tight girl. It’ll be bumpy sometimes, but worth it. Even if you fall, you won’t have to worry, cuz I’ll be there to catch you, long as you’re in it with me, all the way.