To the Men

Seriously, I am sick and tired of hearing you women talk about these fathers as if they are the lowest scum on earth. **I use the term "you women" in a loose and general manner.** But real talk, let a man talk any type of junk about a mother, about her personality, her character, her decision making process-or lack thereof-and all hell breaks loose. "How dare you!" "Oh no he didn't" "He ain't nothin but a deadbeat anyway." All I ever hear is what the man has or hasn't done in regards to the relationship and to the child/ren. Well, what the hell have you or haven't you done women??? It's like elementary school man. Yall gonna run and tell the world what he's done or hasn't done, but you don't say a damn thing about yourselves! Nah, hell nah yall ain't tellin on yourselves. But then scream for fairness. Ok, so he's made some mistakes. What mistakes did you make? On a few, VERY few personal cases, I've known some of these women for years and I can personally vouch that the dude is an assclown. But that ain't what I'm talkin about. I'm talkin about the dudes scratching and pinching, trying to make a better life, but it ain't what, where, when, or how the mother wants it, so it's not good enough and he's not doing anything. I'm talkin about the women who keep these kids away from their fathers and then complain about the fathers not being around. I'm talking about these women who use these kids as bargaining chips. I'm talking about these men who are doing the best they can but have to see their children in the arms of another man. I'm talking about these men who are being punished by these mothers and by the courts simply because the relationship didn't work out. I'm talking about these men, strong men, godly men, hardworking and loving men who don't let the world see the tears they shed because they can't be there for their children. I'm talking about a system that will automatically give a child to his/her mother without knowing what kind of mother she is/will be, but at the same time automatically denying the father. I'm talking about these women and this system that radically systematically emphatically breaks and beats these men down. And we wonder, "Where have all the good men gone?" Nobody is perfect. The father ain't perfect, but neither is the mother. I think it ironic that in a world where everyone screams "sexism!" and "inequality!", when it comes to the flesh of our flesh and blood of our blood, it is inherently irrevocably unequivocally blatantly biased against anything with a penis. Despite the character, despite the work, despite all the accomplishments and achievements, you are a man, and because things did not work out, you are to blame, you are at fault, and you are unfit. I cry for these men. I know these men. I hear their voices crack when they talk about their kids. I see their eyes water when they think how much they miss them. I watch them choke back a sob, breathe deep, and play it cool. Because despite the supposed gender inequalities of our society, we are not supposed to cry. I watch these men work hard, day after day, hoping one day to be in their children's lives. And I hear these ignorant and trifling women speak ill about these men, and all men. First, no, woman, you can't take an immature boy who's never had a father figure in his life and expect him to know what a good father is. Second, woman, you wouldn't have to deal with these assclown dudes if you stopped picking them out of the gutter. Third, woman, contrary to what Oprah and Michelle Obama and the rest of the sunshine and rainbows brigade keep telling you, you are NOT the center of the universe. Your wants and desires are NOT the paramount consideration. Everything is NOT about you. It is about that child. It is about what that child needs, what is best for him/her. If you and the father don't work, then you don't work. But instead of tearing these men down, beating them, breaking them, then complaining about them, work WITH them. Because either way, your child will see what you do. YOU set the example for your child/ren. Stop demanding these men be fathers while at the same time destroying their ability to do so. Let these men BE fathers to their sons and daughters. But, all this falls on deaf ears. This story's not going to change. It never does. Because the only ones who want it to change are the ones it's set against. I hurt for these men. I know what it's like to have a gaping hole where your heart used to be because your child is miles and miles away. I know what it's like to steal pictures from Facebook just so you can watch your child grow up. I know what it's like to feel like a part of your soul is missing. I know what it's like to wake up because you heard a baby crying, only to realize it was you. I know what it's like to be closer to your friends' kids than your own. I'm not saying this is about me, just that I know how these men feel. It's hard to be a man in a society that condemns you for being born with a penis, that punishes you alone for the decisions of two, that praises you if you decide to be a woman, but then turns around and degrades you if you want to cry. It's hard to be a father when your ability to do just that is taken away from you simply because you were not the one to give birth. I don't have the answers. In truth, no one does. But stay strong, my men. Keep your heads up. Keep the faith. Because above all else, that is the one thing these children will see. Men, be strong, kind, wise men. And women, let these damn men be men! Maybe then we can start to repair all the damage we have done so that our children will not be left with our mess.