Dear White People

Dear self-deprecating white people,

For the love of all that is pure and holy, please, cut that shit out. First off, I can do bad all by myself. So, when I break the law by willfully committing crimes and get arrested, thus becoming another “black man” statistic, I am to blame, not you. When I point a gun, or a facsimile of one, at a police officer and get shot, I am to blame, not you. When I skip school to hang out on the corner with my equally irresponsible friends, I am to blame, not you. When I have opportunities that my parents and grandparents could only dream of, and I fail to take advantage of those opportunities, thus becoming another statistic, I am to blame, not you. When I get stopped for a seemingly insignificant traffic infraction, and I am found with drugs and/or paraphernalia, thus getting arrested and becoming another statistic, I am to blame, not you. Ten percent of my life I have zero control over; what other people choose to say or do to me, the weather, the economy, traffic, etc. The other 90%, I, and I alone, am fully responsible for. Not you.

As I am typing this on a computer and as it is uploaded onto social media, it is safe for you to assume that I was not alive during slavery. Neither were you. It is safe to assume that on both our sides, none of our family within 3 generations lived during slavery. Therefore, I do not need you to feel guilty for the existence of the North American Slave Trade. I don’t need you to sit with your equally self-deprecating hippie friends and chain yourselves together, wearing t-shirts that say “Guilty.” That means absolutely nothing to me. It does absolutely nothing in my life but make me ask myself, “What is it with these white people?” If you choose to feel guilty for something you did not do, for something neither of us were alive to experience, that is your choice. But do not sit there and claim that it is on my behalf. Do not claim to do it for my sake. It has nothing to do with me. In fact, it only serves to speak toward your own bloated self-importance. It speaks to your own narcissism-to think that events that ended 150 years ago somehow center around you making apologies and declaring yourselves guilty, to think that your own self-perceived guilt is somehow a major factor in my life, who are you? I am more than capable of feeling guilty for my own flaws and misdeeds. I do not need to carry your self-aggrandizing and misplaced guilt as well. You were not there. I was not there. So what makes you think you owe me anything? What makes you think that your own importance, relative to the passage of time in relationship to those events, has any bearing on my life?

Our parents and grandparents lived during the social upheaval that was the Civil Rights Movement. We did not. Maybe your family was on one side and mine on the other. Maybe they were both on the same side. The point is that neither of us were there. You did not lynch me. You did not kidnap me. You did not burn crosses in my yard and terrorize my family. You did not refuse me service in your establishment. You did not call me “nigger.” Nor was I alive then to experience any of those things.

I can understand later generations apologizing for the actions of earlier generations. It happens often, however, not to the point that the apologetic parties begin to hate themselves or feel guilty for what they have not done. The apology is still sincere, however, it is an acknowledgement that what was done in the past was wrong, and an agreement to find better ways in the present and future.

What you fail to realize is that as a black man in America, I was raised by this society to be ashamed of my blackness. I was raised to be ashamed of big lips, a big nose, “nappy” hair, etc., all things I could not control. I was raised to believe that there were only two places for a black man to end up, jail or the cemetery. I was raised to believe that the primary purpose for a black man was to play basketball or football. Imagine the surprise on the actual bigoted racist white people when they found out I completely sucked at basketball and was not passionate about football. Imagine their surprise when they found out I was an avid reader. To this day, people are still surprised when they have heard my voice or read my writing and then actually meet me. As a black man, I am not supposed to be eloquent or well versed. Even further still, I am not supposed to have an intense fondness for rodeo, country/bluegrass/folk music, NASCAR, baseball, big trucks, country girls, and country living. But I do. I am who I am. The point of all that is not to give you further reasons to torture yourself. It is to tell you that I know what it is to feel ashamed of yourself, based not on any valid reasoning, but on the actions and prejudices of others. THAT is not something you want to take upon yourself-being ashamed of your identity and factors out of your control. At the end of the day, I am-as we all are-who I choose to be.

I cannot be held accountable for the deeds and words of my father, my grandfather, my great grandfather, etc. In the same vein, I cannot, and will not, hold you accountable for the deeds and words of your predecessors. That, in itself, is just as unfair as subjugating someone based on an ignorant prejudice.

We all have numerous things we could feel guilty for. However, we do not need to invent new kinds of guilt to add to our collection. You do not need to carry your white guilt like a cross of crucifixion. I do not need you to do it either. If you want to do something positive and invaluable, stop with the wholly unnecessary “white guilt,” stand up, look me in the eye, and let us address each other on the same footing. Let us put our hearts and intelligences together and find a way to ensure that our children never experience any of these things. Let us work side by side, as equals, to fix the problems of the past so that we may build a better future together. Let us finally release the past and relegate it to its proper place behind us, so that we may look forward together and share the same vision of the future. That’s what I need you to do.

Your constant apologies, well intentioned as they may be, do absolutely nothing for me, for my son, for our future, or for yours. Your self-flagellation produces no other results than drawing attention to yourself and keeping both of us from working together to create a future in which none of this is even necessary.

Just as we cannot be held accountable for what our descendants do generations from now, we cannot be held accountable for what our ancestors did. All we can do is hold ourselves and each other accountable for what we do today. If we do not let go of the past, we will have no room for the future. If we continue to stare into the past, we will never see the future. We cannot change what happened yesterday, nor can we dictate what will happen tomorrow. The one and only thing we can do is work together today.

Viral Victimization of Our Once Venerable Society

As a society, we have victimized ourselves to the point that we are no longer responsible for our words or actions. We have invented excuses for every criminal, immoral, and irresponsible action imaginable. We have placed the blame for every offensive action-not at the feet of the offender-but squarely in the hands of society itself. As a result, programs, hashtag campaigns, and awareness drives are implemented to combat these contrary and unproductive behaviors, all to no meaningful effect. 

The inherent purpose of taking action is to affect change or provide tangible support. However, the most we have accomplished is to have further victimized ourselves, on the low end, and self satisfyingly assuage ourselves from the guilt of not actually making any definitive headway. Words are tools that, when properly used, have the power to ignite the passionate fires of change. Yet, we build straw fortresses with our words, and then fail to comprehend why they fail to fulfill their half-assed intended purposes. People will fight, conquer, congregate, and build nations on the foundation of a single word. Yet, we construct edifices, worthy to be listed as wonders of the world, with our words, only to have them blown aside by the winds of reality and practical application. We shoot words, like bullets, from our keyboards onto social media, with the intention of striking down the vile enemies of social justice. Facebook and Twitter warriors stand tall on an internet battleground, only to be pounded down by the hammering blows of real life. We use words whose meanings we don’t truly know to speak about things we know nothing about in order to cause an effect that doesn’t come. 

No, instead of using words to bolster us in our fights for fairness and equality, and to clearly define the moral and social right we use them to justify our failures, not only to ourselves but to society. We have turned irresponsibility in to a “right.” We have turned criminal behavior into the fault of one race, perpetuated against another. We have turned decidedly immoral, inappropriate, and inadvisable behavior into a perfectly reasonable choice. To exemplify our hypocrisy, we selectively ardently defend and justify the resulting social consequences as the result of someone’s skin color, sex, and/or financial standing. 

A poor black man, even just a black man, is not to be held accountable for his criminal behavior simply because of his skin color, even though he willfully chose to engage in such activities. Despite his own personal choice to act in a criminal manner, he is inherently innocent on the basis of his blackness. Yet, a white man, even a poor white man, should bear the full burden of his actions because he chose to act as such and should know better. Any man who exhibits loud, inappropriate, and/or vulgar behavior is decried as an oppressive and misogynistic chauvinist based solely on his male genitalia, whereas a woman who exhibits the same behavior is lauded and praised for her strength of character. A criminal black man is simply a product of the system of the white man and therefore cannot be held accountable. A woman is oppressed in every aspect of her life because she doesn’t have a penis. An unruly child simply suffers from one of a hundred different disorders instead of needing to learn patience and self-control. 

The black community should automatically receive that which has not been earned, based solely on the basis of being black, while white people should perpetually suffer the guilt and indignity of having been born white and be burdened with guilt for actions they did not do. Everyone has the right to do and say as they please, as long as everyone else agrees with it. An offense is considered such, not because it truly caused harm, pain, or anguish, but simply because an individual did not like or agree with the offending word or action. Failure is not the effect of one not meeting the standard. Rather, failure is the fault of the entire body for not making it easier. After all, everyone gets a trophy, right? 

Difficulty and adversity no longer teach willpower, persistence, dedication, or independent thought. No, they are vile and contemptible enemies, and as such, have no place in our society. We no longer teach the merits of learning to overcome or to be self-sufficient. If we are not making it easier, then we are the reason for failure, regardless of any individual’s choice. The individual is no longer responsible for his choices. We have mandated that society assume responsibility for his every thought and action, failure and success. 

We cannot, and will not, strengthen and produce a prosperous and diverse society by absolving the individual of his responsibility to himself, his community, and his nation. In doing so, we effectively cripple the individual by presenting him with the tools of free will and choice, neglecting to teach him how to most effectively use those tools, and then wondering why he failed. Just as we cannot, and do not, punish an entire company for the failure of one employee, we cannot punish an entire race or nation for the failures of the individual. While the state and the community certainly have a responsibility to its citizens and residents, the individual does not just have rights, he also has responsibilities. Absolving the individual of his responsibility is the quickest and surest way to destroy the prosperity of the community and state. By removing responsibility from the individual and placing it in the hands of society, we effectively tear apart the foundation of a well-structured and prosperous society-a population comprised of individuals with fortitude and strength of character.

Dear Mr. Policeman...

Dear Mr. Policeman,
 I must inform you that you're doing your job wrong.
You see, you stopping me and questioning me is institutionally racist since I'm a black man, even though I was clearly breaking the law. In fact, it's your fault that I broke the law, because you're patrolling my area, even though my friends and I have turned it into the high crime area that it is. Also, because I am a black man, I have every right to ignore you, disrespect you, fight you, attempt to harm you, and continue breaking the law. No, Mr. Policeman, I've never actually studied any bit of law at all, and I've never been a policeman. 
You see, I can't actually be held responsible for my actions, because my society has told me that because I am a black man, that nothing is actually my fault, it's your fault for not fixing my life for me. My society taught me that if a bleeding heart white woman doesn't speak up for me, I have no voice. If a white person, tortured with the indignity of being white, doesn't fix my neighborhood, it will never get fixed. If a predominately white organization doesn't give me the money, I'll never be able to get an education. If a well meaning white teacher doesn't take pity on me and treat me as her own underprivileged project child, I'll never learn anything in school. In fact, my society has taught me that unless it's a hashtag, it's not actually important. 
So you see, Mr. Policeman, you're doing your job all wrong. You can't stop me, or question me, or arrest me. You can't expect me to follow your lawful orders, or any laws for that matter. As a strong black man who's black life matters, you cannot hold me responsible for anything I do or say, because it's not my fault that no white knight has appeared in my life and fixed my shit for me. Ultimately, Mr. Policeman, you are the cause of all my problems. I don't actually have any viable proof to substantiate my claims. But, I did read it on Facebook, so it must be true. Shame on you, Mr. Policeman, for terrorizing me under the guise of "doing your job." How dare you.
 
Sincerely,
An Ignorant Black Man

Get Over Yourself

Hey, you! Yes, YOU! I have something to tell you. I'm going to share with you the greatest piece of advice I've ever been given.

Get over yourself.

That's right. Get over yourself. Let it go. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Be your own friend. Congratulate yourself. Challenge yourself. Hold yourself accountable for your actions and words. Stop holding your own failures and flaws over your head. Learn from your mistakes and let yourself move on.

In fact, you're the only one that can release you from the grip of your past and your mistakes. Your best friend can't. Your significant other can't. Your family can't. No one but you can do that. You have to be the one to see it, acknowledge it, accept it, and release it. It's your life. No self help book, no motivational speaker, no pastor, no shrink, no bartender can fix your life. Only you can. Sure, any one of those might influence and/or guide you, but the ultimate choice to let go of your past, embrace the present, and look toward the future can only be made by you. YOU are the deciding factor in how your life plays out. You can be so stuck on your past that you never learn to do it right, or you can take those lessons and move confidently forward.

We all have regrets. We all made serious mistakes. Me, I never wanted to do anything other than serve in the military. And I did do that. But I screwed it up. I was quite young and I hadn't yet learned to make peace with my past or my mistakes. So I kept making them. I was not a horrible soldier. In fact, I was quite good at being a soldier. It was my personal life that messed it all up. Yes, I wish that I could go back and fix it all. I could have gone all the way to the top. I could have been SgtMaj of the Army or some shit. But I let myself get in my own way. Coincidentally, it was my Platoon Sergeant,  that told me I needed to get over myself. And he was right. So, despite the fact that I messed it up back then, with those words, I was able to learn from my mistakes. I cannot change the past, and I miss that uniform every single day. I have never felt more secure in my identity than when I wore it. However, with those three simple words, I have been able to carry those lessons with me to this day. I may not be able to change the past, but I can ensure that I set the tone for my future.

I could do what many people do, and stay mired in the bogs of failure and regret. I could let my failure in the Army dictate failure for my future. I see a lot of guys that do. But I refuse to. It would be so very easy, and I'd have a built in excuse, an ever present crutch. I am often tempted to. But then I look at my son's pictures and I remember that he is and will be watching me, and I remember my PSG's words, 8 years ago in the desert Iraqi night, and I remind myself that I have to get over myself.

So you, yes, YOU. Get over yourself. It's not to be mean. It's not to be uncaring. It's simply to be honest. You are getting in your own way. You are the obstacle to your own happiness, success, etc. Let it go. Learn. Improve. Because win or lose, fail or succeed, the sun is still going to rise and set the next day and the earth will keep on spinning. What matters is if you spin with it. In order to truly know yourself and be at peace with yourself, you must first get over yourself.

We, The People...

“That no free government, nor the blessings of liberty, can be preserved to any people, but by a firm adherence to justice, moderation, temperance, frugality, and virtue; by frequent recurrence to fundamental principles; and by the recognition by all citizens that they have duties as well as rights, and that such rights cannot be enjoyed save in a society where law is respected and due process is observed.” –Virginia State Constitution, Article I – Section 15, paragraph 1

I unequivocally believe that this is a lost and forgotten truth within our society. We have become a nation of victimization and entitlement. We have cast aside the meanings of words like responsibility and duty. We have become self-centered and self-serving, neglecting the most basic and valid of our citizenship- that “all citizens have duties as well as rights.” 

One of our greatest presidents, John F. Kennedy, admonished us to “ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.” Had he uttered those words today, he would have been blasted throughout the media as a right wing conservative extremist. Yet his words, uttered 54 years ago, ring just as true now as they did then. We have become a nation that demands everything from its government, legal system, its states, police departments, education system, elected leaders, etc., without actually giving anything back. Those men and women who enter the education arenas, the workforces, and many others, who purposely seek to contribute to the well-being, success, and preservation of their country have become overshadowed by those, in every economic/social/racial/educational facet, who simply seek to demand sustenance and provision from the state with no regard to their own contribution, or lack thereof. 

There is a quite common misconception amongst our citizens that any man/woman should be free to do whatever he/she pleases with little to no consequence. This is simply not true. We have blatant disregard for the law, rampant spending, and short tempers amongst The People, as well as their elected leaders, however, for my purposes here, I am addressing The People. Just because we can rarely means we should. Just because we have it in the account doesn’t mean we should spend it, although we can. Just because we have it doesn’t mean we have to have it all right now. Just because it is inconvenient or you disagree with it is no legitimate justification of breaking the law. We always demand higher standards of others than we do of ourselves, an interesting and telling hypocrisy of our society. 

We complain that our nation/society/system is broken, yet we, The People, are the ones responsible for its maintenance and preservation. However, as we have absolved ourselves of any and all responsibility for such, we neglect our inherent duty as citizens to hold ourselves and each other accountable to the ideals we claim to live by, the ideals our very nation was founded upon. We blame the politicians, who are only part of the problem. Our elected leaders are servants of the people, answerable to The People, however much they may have forgotten it. The ultimate seat of power rests with The People, yet The People willingly surrender that power and refuse the responsibility of exercising it, and then have the audacity to wonder why, where, and how our society became so flawed. Our flaws do not exist because of so-and-so or “X” organization. Our flaws exist because we, The People, foolishly surrendered the power of our will and we failed to carry out our inherent citizenly duties of maintaining this Union. 

Such ideals, such actions, such responsibilities are not, and cannot be, born by legislation. They cannot be written into existence. They are birthed through the enlightened and willing social collective consciousness of The People. They are enacted by the collective will of The People. They are maintained through the collective desire of The People to be responsible with the management and preservation of this nation’s prosperity. True justice, equality, prosperity, and freedom are not random. They do not spontaneously burst into existence. They are free for all who would seek them, but they are only maintained and preserved for all through the discretion, moderation, and responsibility of the collective efforts of The People.