Forget It

Oftentimes, we forget. We forget who we are, who we once were, the progress we have made, the effort and struggle it took to get where we are, the opportunities afforded us, the people who helped us, etc. Being back on the bike after a year of not riding has reminded me of this and of the fact that we also tend to go easy once we have reached a certain point or when things get a little tougher. Just tonight, I was 2mph faster and took a full minute off my previous fastest time. Yes, I was sore. Yes, my legs burned. Yes, I was tired. But I simply told myself to push through it.
We never accomplish anything when we take it easy. We never break barriers when we coast through life. We never accomplish anything when we settle for what we know we can do. Part of success is finding your limits and going beyond them. We are only capable of what we tell ourselves we can do. Many times, most times, we handicap and defeat ourselves from the start by what we tell ourselves. "I cant do it. It's too hard. It's too long. It's too much. It's too hot, too cold. I'm too weak." We tell ourselves it is always "too" something, but we never say "It's too easy."
In the Army, where I learned most of my life lessons, we have two phrases: "No excuse" and "Too easy." An excuse is an explanation you use to justify failure, lackluster performance, not giving 100, etc. So when the Sgt. asks you why, "No excuse Sgt." They teach us to go beyond what we ever thought we could. In the Army, that point beyond your limits where you never thought you could go, THAT is your baseline, your MINIMUM. So, in the face of an obstacle or insurmountable odds, when you think you can't take anymore or go any further, your only reply is "Too easy Sgt." We have hundreds of excuses why not, when all we need is one reason why. Instead of hundreds of excuses, the only things we should be thinking is No Excuse and Too Easy. If you deny yourself the excuses and tell yourself you can, you will, and that it's too easy, IT WILL BE.
We forget this. In forgetting this, we forget the work and determination it took to get there. We begin to take it easy. We slow down. We push less. We feel entitled to more progress simply because at a previous point, we pushed hard. Your life is a mountain, and over the years, you are climbing that mountain. Some never climb it. Some climb to a certain point and stop. Some go all the way to the top. The thing is, the mountain itself never gets easier to climb. YOU just get stronger. But, you only get stronger if you continue to climb and push yourself.
No one goes through life without someone at some point doing something, a helping hand, a guide, a shoulder, an open door, a recommendation, something. We tend to forget those people. We succeed, we progress, we improve, and we look back and say, "Look what I did." But at some point, if someone hadn't done something, we wouldn't have done that. For my part, I had forgotten, for the past few months, God's part in my life. I began to have success, I began to improve, God began to show me clips of what could be if I stayed humble and focused. For my part, I began to look back and say, "Look at all I have done." For a short time, I focused on what I thought I had done instead of what God has allowed me to do. Many doors would have remained closed had God not opened them. Many opportunities would have never presented themselves had He not allowed them to. We forget God in our lives until we need Him for something. We forget the people in our lives until we need them for something. We are all guilty of it.
The entire point is that we forget all the things that have gotten us and get us where we are. We remind ourselves of tv show times and game scores and song lyrics and celebrity relationships and so on, but we forget the very things that propel us forward in life, only to stand by and wonder why we aren't moving. Forget the scores and the show times and whatever else, and let's focus on the only two things that actually matter, there is NO EXCUSE, and it's TOO EASY.

A Different World

I love going back and re-watching shows that defined periods of my coming up. There are shows that defined my teenage years, shows that defined my early adult years, shows that defined my time spent overseas. And there are three shows that defined my childhood and pre-teen years: A Different World, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and The Cosby Show. My parent’s generation and many of my generation remember well these shows. Sadly, most of the younger generation do not even know of their existence or of the impact any of these shows had on black youth and the black community.

I have had both the honor and privilege to meet both Kadeem Hardison and Jasmine Guy from A Different World. I met Kadeem Hardison when I was a pre-teen at Allen Iverson’s Celebrity All Star Classic baseball game at the Virginia War Memorial Stadium. While I did not spend the day with him or converse with him like I did Jasmine Guy years later, I remember walking down the bleachers and sliding the program through the fence next to the dugout, asking for his autograph and telling him I used to always want flip up glasses like his character Dwayne Wayne had, and telling him that I used to think he was the coolest brother on the show. My contact with him lasted a minute tops, but I remember him looking at me and asking, “You’re going to college, right?” I told him yes and that my parents would kill me if I didn’t and he replied, “Good. That’s good to hear lil man.” As a kid, hearing Dwayne Wayne tell me, “That’s good to hear” and calling me “lil man” was so ridiculously cool.

I met Jasmine Guy just a few months ago while I was finishing my first associate’s degree. My school had put on an exhibition for Black History Month about black men and women in sports and entertainment, and she, along with Nikki Giovanni, was one of our main guests. I was Student Vice President, and part of my student governmental duties included assisting college guests from time to time. I had the distinct pleasure of being Ms. Guy’s aide and escort for the event. You never know how famous people are in real life, and sometimes you, as a fan, are disappointed when you learn they are not what you thought. However, Ms. Guy turned out to be one of the nicest and most down to earth people I have ever met, famous or not. When she learned I had a baby boy, she demanded to see pictures and I swear I probably went through all 400 of them on my phone, with her gushing about him at each picture change. I told her how, as kids, my older sister and I couldn’t wait for the next episode of A Different World to come on, how we never missed a show, and how much it meant for her to play a role in one of the most influential shows during one of the most influential times of a young black kid’s life. Many actors just play a role and get paid. But I was impressed by her candor and her dedication to and belief in her role and in the show, because it was much more than a role and much more than just a show.

At that time, A Different World was revolutionary. Never before, and sadly, never since, has there been a successful major network show about successful black youth in college. This show in particular, took black youth from different backgrounds, different skin tones, different parts of the country, and put them all on a campus of a Historically Black College. It covered topics we in the black community still struggle with today: early/unplanned/unwed pregnancy, rape and sexual assault, abusive relationships, drugs, drinking, gang violence, our health, differences between rich and poor, HIV and AIDS, politics, slavery and racism, etc. If you can think of it, I can probably guarantee there was an episode about it. The shows were only 20 minutes long, but those episodes packed life lessons into them. Here, we had a group of young black men and women who were searching for their identity and a place in this world. Through triumph and failure, tragedy and blessings, heartbreak and fondness, they rose above whatever obstacles life could throw at them. They became successful black men and women, despite their obstacles and despite their backgrounds. Dwayne Wayne was an engineer, and Lena, played by Will Smith’s future wife, Jada Pinkett, was studying at Hillman with Dwayne to become one. Whitley Gilbert-Wayne became a teacher. Kimberly Reese became a doctor and married one of her fellow med school students. Jalissa Vincent became a marketing executive and operated her own temp agency. Unlike most of Tyler Perry’s work, which portrays even successful black men as cheap, cheating, abusive, insecure men, A Different World took both the perspectives of the Black Man and the Black Woman and showed them as equally strong, loving, and capable black men and women who complemented each other.

The same goes for The Cosby Show and The Fresh Prince. Heathcliff Huxtable was a doctor and his wife Claire was a lawyer, with 5 kids between them, living in a brownstone in Manhattan. Uncle Phil was a circuit court judge with a wife and three kids, living in Bel Air. In all three shows, none of the characters were athletes or rappers or famous singers. There was a strong emphasis on education. In both The Cosby Show and Fresh Prince, ALL of the kids ended up going to college. Denise Huxtable, from both The Cosby Show and the first season of A Different World, is the only character to have dropped out of college. Along with ADW, both of these shows also had episodes that dealt with issues we continue to deal with today.

Young black boys grew up watching these shows, wanting to be a Dwayne Wayne, an Uncle Phil, a Dr. Huxtable, a Walter Oakes, or a Col. Taylor. I did. Young black girls grew up watching them, wanting to be a Claire Huxtable, a Vivian Banks, a Kim Reese, a Whitley Gilbert, or a Sandra Huxtable. We watched these shows and thought to ourselves, “I can do that one day.” Not all, but many of us have dealt with racism. . I was 7 years old in 1993 when A Different World ended. At the time, it was interesting-to say the least-to be a young black kid in the early 90’s. If you remember that time, you know what I mean, if you don’t, it would take a book to explain I remember my grandma and grandpa telling me growing up, “As a black man, the world expects you to end up either dead, in jail, or both. Prove them wrong.” The sad thing is that this still rings true. As black youth, we were expected to dress, walk, talk, and act like we were “ghetto.” We were, and still are, expected to get in trouble with the law, kicked out of school, have babies, etc. The world at large did not, and does not, look at us and expect us to be successful. We are expected to be a statistic before we reach the age of 21. These shows took those expectations and threw them out the window. These shows gave us examples of what we could be, the opportunities and success we could have. When the world told us, “You’re not and you can’t,” these shows told us we could stand, face the world, and declare, “NO! I AM and I WILL!”

The Cosby Show ended in 1992, A Different World ended in 1993, and The Fresh Prince in 1996. All three, because of their casting, backgrounds, plots, and settings were revolutionary. All three gave young black kids like me examples past basketball/football star or entertainer. All three told kids like me, “You CAN go to college. You CAN have the same opportunities. You CAN be successful. You CAN.” Sadly, since the Fresh Prince series finale, there have been no shows like that. There are shows for nearly every demographic you can think of, but since these three, none for a young black kid. Our young black boys don’t have any Dwayne Waynes to look to, no Uncle Phils, and no Dr. Huxtables. But we do make sure to give them Lil Waynes and Jay-Zs and Kanyes. We make sure to teach them, instead of going to college, educating yourself, conducting yourself with poise and class, go ahead and act a fool. We teach them to disrespect women. We teach them to disrespect and disregard anyone who isn’t giving them money or a handout. We teach them that working hard for 4 years to get a degree is pointless when you can throw on some baggy…or skinny…jeans and a hat 3 sizes too big, rhyme some words, and if you can’t do that, then you can just make words up. We teach them that all you have to do is make a shocking video and put it on YouTube and you’ll be famous. Our girls don’t have any Claire Huxtables. But they do have Beyonce’s and Rihannas. We make sure to teach them that their minds don’t matter, that success isn’t getting an education and positioning yourself in the upper echelons of top scientific/medical/business fields. We teach them all they have to do is dress skanky and twerk. We don’t teach our Claires and our Whitleys and our Vivians to seek educated, strong, and loving black men like Dwayne and Uncle Phil and Dr. Huxtable. But we make sure to point out the Jeezys and the Weezys and the Chris Browns.

It saddens me to no end, partly because since then, we have done nothing of the sort to keep telling our youth that they ARE and they CAN. It saddens me because the Whitleys and the Vivians and the Claires of these shows were not just successful business women, they were mothers and housewives. Now, our girls aspire to be like La’Bonquiqui’tisha from “Real Housewives of…” For years before, we cried for something other than the cheap, toxic, and foolish colorings of the blacksploitation” films. When these shows came out, it was like a breath of fresh air and the black community sighed a sigh of relief. We thanked God…and Bill Cosby…for these shows. Then, they ended. They ended and, it seems, so did our self-respect and sense of dignity.

There is one thing I know for sure, when my son grows to a certain point, despite his beautiful almond shaped eyes, despite his mixed heritage, the world will stop seeing him as a cute little mixed baby and they will see him as a black man. I know what the world and those in it will tell him and expect of him. Hopefully I’ll be the right example for him and hopefully he’ll have others. But, if I’m all he’s got, more than anything else, I will teach him, like my father, grandfather, Dwayne Wayne, Uncle Phil, and Dr. Huxtable taught me: Forget what everyone else expects. Expect more from yourself and always strive to do and be more. After all, when you get out there, it certainly is a different world.