At This Point...

I don’t need to be single. I want to be with you.

I’ll always tell you about my outings with my friends, but I’d much rather you be a part of them. Sure, there’ll be times when we each want to go our separate ways. I have no problem with that. But my purpose for being with you is to share my life, myself, and my experiences with you, to bring you into my world. Besides, in being with you, my highest level of contentment comes not in having a “good time” and making memories, but in sharing those good times with you and making those memories together.

When you imagine the home of our dreams, I want you to do so with the utter certainty that my goal is to make that dream come true, for both of us. There’s no point in dreaming if you can’t put any faith behind that dream. You won’t need to worry about us moving in together, because it won’t happen, not until the right time. I’m not saying marriage, but pretty close to it. Call me old-fashioned, but it’s easy to live with someone. It’s easy to have all the comforts and benefits that come with a marriage without any of the actual commitment, dedication, loyalty, communication, and effort necessary in any long term committed relationship. I’m not going to treat you like a cheap easy thrill by asking you to move in. But when we start talking about making a home together, you’d better be sure my proposal is not far off. It has nothing to do with “making you an honest woman.” It’s got everything to do with making sure I am an honest man.

If we are doing things with each other we normally wouldn’t do with someone else, then it is too late for me to “be single-with you.” At that point, I have already given you access to my inner workings, and I don’t do that unless I’m fully committed to you. We can be friends, we can be lovers, or we can be partners in crime, in life-and everything that follows. I don’t do blurred lines and fuzzy boundaries. That’s how confusion and heartache are made. My willingness to try new things is predicated on the foundation of building a life with you, not for a random quick thrill.

I want to be able to decide to travel for a few weeks on a whim. But I want to be able to do that with you. Again, I’m all about building a life with you and making and sharing those memories with you. Flying solo is counterproductive to my entire purpose for being with you/around you. If you or I can’t go or don’t want to go, that won’t be a problem. But I want you to know the option is always there, that there’ll never be a time I don’t want to include you.

We won’t always have the same interests, run in the same circles, or hang with the same people. That’s not a problem. Sometimes we’ll want to do separate things. That’s normal. But again, I want you to know that the invitation is always open. If you’re willing to share an experience with me, there’ll never be a time when I won’t welcome your presence. We don’t have to stop each other from doing different things, and we certainly don’t need to do every single thing together. Some autonomy is always good. But like I said, if I am sharing my time, life, and experiences with you, you need to know that you are welcome in every part of it, that the invitation is an open one.

You’ll need to realize that I don’t make plans just for fun. If I make a plan, you can be sure that I am immediately going to start making it a reality. That’s what plans are for. If I am making plans with you, you need to know that I am fully committed to seeing them come to fruition. At this point, you’ll probably be my best friend, and hopefully I’m yours. I think that’s how it should be. But if we’ve made it this far, we are way beyond being friends and hanging out. I’m not with you to pass the time or to just have fun. By now you can be sure it’s because I see a future with you and I want us to build that future together. There’ll be no reason for me to want to flirt with another woman, because you’ll be all I want or need. At this point, no other woman will have anything for me that would make me want to flirt with her. I don't need to flirt with another woman. I don't need other women to flirt with me. I don't need to know if I've "still got it." If I’ve got you, if you’re the one I fall asleep and wake up next to every morning, if you’re the one I make love to, if you’re the one I’m devoting my time, my life, and my soul to, then I do still have it, and I’ve got no reason to flirt, unless it’s with you.

 Yes, I’ll still flirt with you. I’ll still write on notebook paper, “Do you like me? Circle Yes or No.” I’ll still make goo-goo eyes at you from across the room. I’ll still come up behind you and give your hair a soft yank or pick you up and spin you around. I’ll still pinch your butt as you walk by, even though you swat my hand away, with a twinkle in your eye. I'll still pull into an empty parking lot, turn up the radio, and dance with you when our favorite song comes on. I’m still gonna get nervous when I haven’t seen you for a few days and I pick you up for dinner. I’m always gonna be the nerdy closet romantic that I’ve always been. I’m gonna leave goofy little notes outside your front door in sidewalk chalk. I’m still gonna wash my truck extra clean for date night. I’m still gonna reach across the bench seat in my old Ford pickup and pull you closer so you can put your head on my shoulder while we drive down some old back road. Occasionally, I’ll even still randomly walk up to you and act like we’ve never met, just so I can ask you out all over again. All the flirtations, all the silly little things, that’s all for you, not some other woman, despite how attractive she might be.

Random people don’t get those things from me, only you do, because by this point, I am fully and completely yours. When I tell people that I am with you, I am telling them that I am with you and you alone, that I choose you and no one else, that I am completely and fully committed to you and no one else, that I have chosen to open my life, my world, and my heart to you and to give it over to you and no one else. It’s just a lot easier to say, “I’m with her.” I mean, if you want me to say all that, I certainly will. I’ll want to embarrass you and shout it from the rooftops, because I want the world to know that I’ve found a treasure. I don’t do any of that with just friends, not even with lovers. And I certainly don’t mix the two into friends with benefits. I don’t believe in “benefitting” myself from something I don’t have to commit to. If you do, that’s perfectly fine, I’ll just need to know that up front so I can make sure I don’t go down that road with you. Nothing bad or offensive, just two different paths.

None of what I say is to trap you. Just as the invitation into my life is always open, so is the door out of it. That may sound harsh or cold, but it is the simple reality. We are both grown adults. We both make and are responsible for our own choices. I cannot, nor will I ever try, to force or keep you in anything you don’t want to be in. The day whatever we have built no longer works for you, let me know and I will make a quick and graceful exit. Don’t get me wrong, I fully believe in working things out before calling it quits. But the moment we both know it’s over, you have my word, I’ll not force the issue. Sometimes, things just don’t work. I’ll always wish you the best, I simply ask that you be honest with me. I give you my honesty and I expect it in return. If someone else, something else, or somewhere else is pulling you away from me, I’ll always try to hold on, but if it has to happen, I’ll let go. I don’t want to be the one that holds you back from your happiness. I’ll always want us to find that happiness together, but I’m not naïve enough to think it’s a fairy tale. Please spare me the, “I don’t/didn’t want to hurt you.” I think it’s safe to say that this far in the game, a season ending injury like that is going to hurt, period. But hey, I’m a grown-up. I bounce back, not as quickly as I used to, but I always manage to find my feet again. Just give it to me straight. It’s not my first time around the block, and I’ve been broken down to my core before. You’ll do more harm trying to spare me or lying to me than by just giving it to me straight. For as long as you are willing, I am completely and utterly yours. As long as you are willing, you have open access to me, to my thoughts, my desires, my dreams, and my heart. As long as you are willing, you are a part of it all.

If I have put in the time and the effort to know you like that, to become comfortable and confident with each other, to learn each other, I am far beyond the point of wanting to be single-but with you. We have gone far beyond having individual lives. Of course, we will have individual aspects to our life together, but at this point, our life is joined. At this point, I want you to share my life and I want to share yours, as much as you’ll let me. At this point, I have no need for an individual/bachelor/single life, because you have become an integral part of my life.

At this point, you can expect a ring sometime in the near future. It’s got nothing to do with tying you down or trapping you or remaining enslaved to an outdated oppressive patriarchal societal tradition, or whatever they call it now. It’s got everything to do with the fact that I want you to have your day, that day with all your friends and family gathered to watch you shine like the queen I think you are. I want you walk down the aisle and see me at the end and know with certainty that I will always be at the end of every aisle, waiting for you. I want to stand there, watching you walk towards me, and know that I am the most fortunate man on the face of the earth. I want to proclaim before all our friends and family that I am forever yours. I want to give myself to you in that way. It’s not even that I want to call you my wife. I want to proudly tell everyone I am your husband. No, I don’t need a ceremony or a piece of paper to tell you that I am committed to you. However, call me old-fashioned again, but that’s the kind of guy I am. If we’ve made it this far, then you already know that and you’ve known it was coming.

90 years old and married, or 90 years old and still together, doesn’t matter much. Either way, the point is that at no time would I ever have felt the need or desire to be any measure of “single.” I don’t do paradoxes, oxymorons, juxtapositions, catch 22s, or contradictions. I like to keep things simple and call a spade a spade. In a world so full of moral, social, and emotional ambiguity, I think it’s important to have that simplicity and that directness. I don’t do halfway sweetheart. So when I say I’m in it, I am all in. If you can’t handle it, then just tell me and we’ll form a personal but appropriately distanced friendship. But it you’re in it with me, you better hold on girl, cuz I promise you this is gonna be one hell of an 8 second ride. You just gotta hold on tight girl. It’ll be bumpy sometimes, but worth it. Even if you fall, you won’t have to worry, cuz I’ll be there to catch you, long as you’re in it with me, all the way.